I don’t believe it’s ever appropriate to bad mouth your spouse whether they’re present or not. I think it’s behavior which reflects more poorly on you than on the husband or wife that you’re complaining about. Why did you subject yourself to lifelong commitment to that person if you find them so tiresome? On your list of priorities, their dignity and well being should certainly come before your own comeuppance for a minor, petty grievance, especially in the case of someone you’ve vowed to love and cherish all the days of your lives.

I’ve heard a number of friends and coworkers verbally degrade their partners on several occasions, all under the guise of good natured ribbing and fun. It’s often even more unsettling to meet the aforementioned partner only to discover that they have nothing but praise for their ill-mannered significant other. You don’t have to agree with everything they say or do. As a couple you should be able to have productive, civil, even compassionate disagreements. I’m not advocating total, stiff formality with your spouse. You need to be able to have fun together and must therefore be equipped with enough humility to laugh at yourselves. That just doesn’t include laughing at each other.