Month: October 2023

Catholic Roots

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Photo by Monstera Production

I readily admit that Halloween is far from my favorite holiday. This is a distaste which I believe I inherited from my mom. Of course when my sister and I were little we went trick-or-treating through the neighborhood as a family, a ritual which any child eagerly looks forward to every year. Upon arriving home my parents always had my sister and I choose our favorite 10 pieces of candy. The rest they told us was for the candy fairy. In the morning our extra candy would be gone, replaced by a small gift much like something Santa might leave under the Christmas tree. It was family traditions like these which fueled the magic of our childhood and I’m so grateful to our parents for them. 

However, as we outgrew trick-or-treating Halloween became more of a shared family annoyance than a beloved holiday. We always enjoyed passing out candy to the costumed kiddos but as the evening progressed our house would inevitably be visited by lazy or scantily clad teenagers expecting the same treatment, many of whom hadn’t bothered to don a costume at all. Later, Halloween as an adult with work friends was treated by my peers as little more than an excuse for drunkenness during which otherwise respectable young women would squeeze themselves into too tight, too short “costumes” lauding immodesty as the goal the entire time. This has also become a time when quaint family neighborhoods are regularly assaulted by demonic and excessively gory scenes sprawled across various front lawns.

For all of these reasons I’m not a fan of Halloween and wasn’t intending to honor the occasion with a full Monday post. However, I recently came across this post, Halloween and Hallowtide, from a fellow blogger which caused me to reconsider. She very eloquently reminds readers that, all demonic and scandalous behavior aside, Halloween was originally rooted in Catholic traditions. All Hallows Eve is part of a holy triduum in the Church. This is the vigil to All Saints’ Day which occurs on November 1st and is immediately followed by All Souls’ Day on November 2nd. During these three days we are to pray and feast in honor of our beloved dead. After reading this article, I can only echo her call to “sprinkle some Catholicism in your Halloween.” As Catholics we must always be careful to avoid participating in any activities which might lead ourselves and others deeper into sin but we also should attempt to live liturgically where possible by celebrating Catholic feasts like these.

A Mother’s Love

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Sometimes we have to grow up to truly grasp all the little ways our parents love us even without our knowledge. For the first 21 years of my life there was always family close by, sometimes a short 20 minutes down the road but most often just in the next room. I grew up accustomed to the familial sounds of chatter in the hall and feet on the stairs. Even now, my house doesn’t quite feel like home when my husband has to spend a weekend away for work and everything falls silent. Home has always been where my people are.

When I moved to Indiana for a job in the steel industry I also embarked on the two loneliest years of my life. Of course, I invested all of my free time and energy in keeping busy and making friends. I took up new hobbies and filled my days with every social engagement I could find, despite being incredibly shy. However, in the evening I would always return to a dark, empty apartment which was an especially sobering situation amid COVID lockdowns. During this season of loneliness I called my mom nearly every day, sometimes three times in one day. She was a constant lifeline and content to receive a running play-by-play of my new life in the Midwest. My mom wore many hats during that time; life coach, public relations advisor, romance councilor, medical consultant and chief BFF to name a few. 

Now, having found my husband and both of us with slightly busier church schedules, we talk a bit less. Our catch up phone calls now come a few times a week and I’m ashamed to say I’ve caught myself a bit peeved on occasion when she wasn’t able to come to the phone. In addition to becoming a hugely active and influential member of her parish community, my mom is also the current help hotline for my sister who is in the throes of medical school while navigating the joys and trials of motherhood for the very first time. 

It occurred to me recently that in my own time of need my mom was just as available and ready to listen. She hardly ever missed a call during those two years when I was entirely on my own in an unfamiliar landscape. At the time, I was simply grateful for the comfort our daily check-ins afforded us both. I was blessed with a familiar voice to vent any and all frustrations to and my mom received regular reassurance that her youngest daughter was still safe and well. Now, years later, I consider the sacrifice these chats required on her part, to always be ready and willing to listen. I pray someday that my own kids can know they are loved that much. Thanks mom.

Garden Fresh

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My husband and I tried our hand at growing a few vegetables this summer and, though our cucumbers never fully matured (likely due to poor fertilization), we were blessed with an abundant and juicy harvest of cherry tomatoes. There’s nothing quite like homegrown vegetables and we’ve struggled to return to store bought produce as the season turns colder. We can’t wait until next year when we plan to go all in for a full veggie garden.

Celebrity Status

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Photo by cottonbro studio

On our way back from a short Colorado trip this year my husband and I were making our way through the Denver airport. I believe this was also the day after a Taylor Swift concert and DIA was utterly overrun with swifties, some of whom still sported their concert costumes. Blessedly, we arrived at the airport with hours to spare and the security line moved quickly. Once through we prepared to board a train to carry us to our gate and caught sight of the black clericals and white collar of a priest in the crowd. Given that we were on our way back from baptizing our niece in an incredibly reverent mass, I felt this was the perfect ending to such a holy weekend and I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. 

He was dressed much the same as all the other priests I’ve met but for two details. Around his neck hung a large beautiful golden crucifix and on his finger sat a gold ring which looked to be a seal. My husband and I were sure that this was no ordinary priest. We boarded the train and ended up standing directly in front of this holy man and I wracked my brain for some small comment of appreciation to say to him. I came up blank as I couldn’t decide how to address him without being sure of his name or position in the Church. 

As we sped toward our gate, the train rounded a bend and jostled as trains do. We’d shuffled to the middle of the car to allow others to board and now, being somewhat unanchored, I literally bumped into the man. Of course I wasted no time in making a brief but sincere apology which he graciously accepted. Again, I was left searching for more words to express my joy at having found the Church and my gratitude toward all the holy men who have chosen the priesthood. Unfortunately, I didn’t get the chance as he deboarded at the next gate and we continued on. 

We later found him through a quick google search and excitedly texted my parents to tell them that I had bumped into Archbishop Aquila, the Archbishop of Denver. This experience called to mind a story my sister told me about one of our priest friends visiting her and her husband in Little Italy while on a trip to Cleveland once. They’d all gone out for lunch and he’d even concelebrated mass at Holy Rosary Church there. Throughout his visit, random strangers would wave and say hello, obviously noting the priestly clericals. My sister said it was almost like being out to lunch with a celebrity. The people in Little Italy were hardly shy about showing their appreciation for the priesthood.

This is how we should treat our priests! I am by no means advocating the kind of idolatry which has become commonplace to reserve for the pop stars of society. We are not to worship false gods and it’s true that some individuals mistakenly make their way into the priesthood, but even these men have been put there for a reason, though we on earth may never know what it is. However, there is no denying that, on the whole, these are holy men, ordained by God and solely capable of acting in the person of Christ while conferring the sacraments. We ought to afford special respect to the white collar and certainly those who wear it.

Here I Am

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My husband and I have been trying to squeeze adoration and daily mass into our schedule more frequently. Sometimes it’s a bit of an effort as neither of us are currently blessed with an abundance of free time but I never regret it. Fr. Mike Schmitz highlighted our Catholic mission perfectly in his Catechism in a Year podcast when he spoke of how we are called to live outside of Sunday worship. Our faith ought to inform everything we do. When looking for vacation destinations we have to also keep in mind the availability of a Catholic church and mass while away from home and we should consider committing to daily mass during those days of rest and relaxation. We should give more to God on our days off and in our moments of spare time because those are the moments when we have the most to give. God is for us always, not just when convenient. We ought to be for Him in the same way.

It was in this spirit that my husband and I agreed to make time before the Blessed Sacrament a larger portion of our day-to-day. Often, the small, ordinary comfort of habitual prayer before the Eucharist is the only reward, though still well worth it. However, there are other moments of being touched and utterly overwhelmed by God’s grace. Such was the case one Tuesday morning in early July. We both had the day off from work for our nation’s Independence Day and chose to begin the celebrations with morning adoration and mass. 

We like to attend adoration at our local university’s chapel. It’s an intimate experience as the little chapel is a simple, windowless room barely large enough to accommodate five chairs and one solitary kneeler set directly before a tabernacle which can be opened and closed by visitors without endangering the consecrated host inside. On this occasion we were the only two visitors and used the time to pray our daily rosary as well as a divine mercy chaplet. As we recited the chaplet my mind drifted to the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist on silent display at the front of the tiny dimmed room. 

I thought of Christ, the man, with us in adoration and was stunned at how easily and vividly that image came to mind. I didn’t have to wonder at what He would look like, how He would dress or His mannerisms as we prayed before His blessed body. Those details came into view without any effort of my own. I could almost see Him kneeling directly in front of the host between my husband and I as we sat praying on either side of the tabernacle. His back was to us, hands steepled and head bowed in silent prayer to His father. I couldn’t see his face but I don’t believe that was the point. I wouldn’t have been there if I didn’t already believe in the real presence. This image, clear as day, was not proof but consolation. He was simply there, lovingly present with us. It was like a parent’s embrace to a child which says you are safe, you are loved and you are not alone. As this scene of the three of us played out in my mind and our divine mercy chaplet drew to a close He never turned and He never spoke but three words were plastered across my consciousness and haven’t left me since. “Here I am.”

Fair Weather Guests

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Every summer we happily host a number of creatures, from rabbits to the neighborhood cardinal in our backyard. Last year we worried that we may have offended Mr. Frog by evicting him from one of my potted roses as summer wound down but frogs don’t seem to hold grudges as we’ve once again been blessed with their company all summer long.

Marriage Etiquette: Flirt Like it’s 1867

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I recently came across an article outlining Victorian Era dating tips and couldn’t help but laugh because I found myself agreeing with most of them. Here is my reasoning for why these courtship rules from the 1800s are still relevant and necessary in the 21st century. 

  1. A gentleman should protect a woman in case of danger. – Yes! Men should be men. Men are generally larger, stronger, less emotional and better equipped to repel and attack. I am by no means saying that women should simply accept the role of helpless damsel in distress. I believe everyone, be it man or woman, should be fully capable of defending themselves. It’s why I enthusiastically embrace our U.S. Constitution’s Second Amendment. However, as the protector of the family, it is the husband’s (man’s) responsibility to act as the first line of defense, whether that be under physical or verbal assault. 
  2. A lady should not accept gifts from gentlemen. – This one is fairly straightforward. Don’t lead on people you’re not interested in. In today’s world the threshold for when it’s appropriate to start showering each other with gifts seems to vary from person to person. However, it’s my feeling that you shouldn’t be giving or receiving romantic gifts from or dating anyone you don’t genuinely intend to marry. It just muddies the waters and wastes everyone’s time. 
  3. A gentleman should give all his attention to his woman in public. – I believe this is the theory of duh. It’s applicable to men and women in my opinion. If you’re in a relationship don’t be making eyes at other people. Period. Obviously you shouldn’t flirt with anyone but the person you are currently committed to.
  4. A woman was prohibited from calling on a man. – While I don’t think strict adherence to this rule is currently necessary, there are some underlying ideas which I think should still be practiced today. People should not carelessly flirt with friends or strangers or do anything that might lead to scandal for themselves or others. If you really do have feelings for a potential love interest you should respect them enough to maintain a proper courtship which doesn’t leave your neighbors guessing what might be happening in private, behind closed doors. 
  5. A gentleman had to control his sexual appetite. – Guys, it turns out it’s still bad form to flirt with anything that moves. One of the hallmarks of adulthood which is sadly lacking in our society today is mastery over all of your urges and impulses rather than being mastered by them. It’s a lesson that both men and women should take to heart. Contrary to popular current belief, you do not have to bow to each and every physical and emotional desire and nor should you. 
  6. Strangers who found themselves dancing together were not allowed to converse. – I don’t totally agree with this particular rule but, as with #4, there are some underlying core values which I do believe still have a place in our modern world. Too often we underestimate the power of a proper introduction, particularly in current culture where simply approaching a woman and striking up a conversation is becoming increasingly complicated and risky. Whether it be by an acquaintance at church or a mutual work friend or anyone else, being introduced is a perfect way to ease tension and awkwardness during that first meeting. 
  7. A gentleman was obliged to carry a lady’s bag. – Much like #1, this is a PSA to all the young men in the world today. Don’t let chivalry be dead. Do the gentlemanly thing and take care of the heavy lifting. If done genuinely, it is a kind and reverent action a man can do for his lady. Inversely, all the empowered lady bosses should learn to take a step back and simply say thank you when a gentleman steps up to do a good deed for them. Men and women are different and we absolutely should embrace our uniquely masculine and feminine traits in order fulfill God’s will for our lives and become good partners for each other. 
  8. A gentleman should leave the inner side of the pavement for his lady. – This is another chivalrous and protective gesture which I think needs to be reinstated in society. In this particular instance, the man places himself in between his lady and any potential danger that might come from the street, whether that be puddle splashback or a runaway carriage. Whatever the peril, walking on the streetside demonstrates his feelings for his woman by quietly but willingly putting himself in a position to take the brunt of it.  
  9. Neither party should make the other jealous. – No good can come from toying with the mind and emotions of another human being. This manipulative act can often lead to fighting, scandal and horribly misguided judgements in a relationship. If you truly want to beat the dating game you must first embrace total honesty with your partner. You might entice dishonest people by being honest but you will never entice an honest person by being dishonest. 

What do you think? Should we revive 1800s courtship rules?