Month: April 2024

Marriage Advice from Seasoned Veterans

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During a fun bridal shower game a couple of years ago our friends and family were asked to write down some of their tips and tricks for a long and happy marriage. We enjoyed reading these and have taken the advice to heart. Here are some time tested methods for maintaining love, compassion and romance from the experts in my life. 

  • Always stay best friends.
  • Take time for date night (at least monthly). No matter how busy life gets with work, kids, etc. always make time for the two of you. 
  • Never go to sleep angry. Hugs and kisses and prayers at bedtime only. 
  • Watch your wedding video often (or peruse the wedding photo album).
  • Hold hands when you walk.
  • Laugh together every day. 
  • Sometimes there isn’t enough time for both of you in one day. Listen and support each other even if it means putting your own worries on hold. 
  • Always go on adventures.
  • Always remember why you fell in love and always make positive comments to each other.
  • Happy spouse, happy house. 
  • “It takes three to get married.” – Bishop Fulton Sheen. With God at the center and a little help from the Blessed Mother, you will be great.
  • Pray together and stay together.
  • Always be kind to each other. 
  • Keep the lines of communication open at all times. Never assume anything. The one time you do will be the last.
  • Be best friends with Mary and St. Joseph. 
  • Talk with each other. Tell one another you love each other.

I’ve mentioned this before but I believe that kindness to a spouse often goes undervalued in society today. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together or how well you might feel you know the person. Maintaining good manners and compassion for the people closest to you is a necessary endeavor in any relationship, especially between man and wife. Over the course of our two short years of marriage my husband and I have both made adjustments to how we communicate and are constantly working to maintain civil and compassionate communication with each other, even in those rare instances when we disagree. 

However, even in our worst moments, I still am overwhelmed by this amazing gift of marriage that God has blessed me with. Not only am I married to a good man. I am sacramentally bonded to one I am deeply and totally in love with. In addition to trusting my husband completely, I also still regularly find myself a little weak at the knees when he walks in the door from work. My life has become infinitely better since he came into it. 

Love Letter to Latin Mass

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The first traditional latin mass I ever attended was hosted on a first Friday in a small church which was 45 minutes away from my home parish through heavy traffic. Truth be told, I likely wouldn’t have attended had it not been for my husband. We were newly courting at the time and treated it as a date night. I had heard almost nothing about latin mass up to that point and was very curious to see how it compared to the more widely celebrated novos ordo mass. Since then I’ve struggled to write about the experience as I’ve often felt I lacked the proper vocabulary to describe it. However, on a recent visit from Colorado I think my dad said it perfectly. “It was the most beautiful mass I’ve ever been to.”

Everything about this mass pointed to Christ. The angelic choir and organ raised all chants, hymns and mass parts to the heavens while an army of altar boys attended the priest as he celebrated the sacrifice of the mass. His vestments were always gorgeously embroidered with gold and brightly colored threads depicting scenes of the Sacred Heart or the Blessed Mother and were complete with maniple and biretta. Nearly every woman in the little church was veiling, often trailed by husbands and a flock of small children, all dressed to the nines to participate in this holy mass. 

My first few times attending latin mass I made no effort to follow along. I simply sat in stunned awe of it all, taking my cues for kneeling and prayer responses from my fellow lay people. Every knee in the church bent during the entrance procession as the cross bearer passed and heads bowed reverently toward the priest as he followed Christ to the altar. I later learned that this first Friday mass was a high mass. With the exception of the silent prayers at the altar said by the priest, the gospel reading and the homily, all mass parts were sung by the talented choir. Also apart from the gospel and homily, the priest’s back was always resolutely toward the assembly as he went about his holy work. Throughout the mass he lovingly kissed the altar and during the consecration he completely enshrouded it in incense. The air was a thick, sweet smelling haze as the assembly knelt. All in attendance also knelt at the communion rail to receive on the tongue (a first for me though it is now the only way I choose to receive). 

Though this mass was breathtaking, it was obviously not a show put on for the benefit of the assembly. There were no theatrics or flashy guitar solos. All in attendance were there for one common purpose, to receive Christ. Each and every minute and reverently performed detail of the mass was indicative only of the goodness of Christ and His sacrifice for us. To this day I count the traditional latin mass as the most reverent, most beautiful, and most unifying mass I’ve ever attended. Even though it’s hardly convenient for us to get to every month, we dutifully and happily clear our schedules every first Friday evening.

Picnic at the Lake

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Many people dream of vacations to white sandy beaches, being lulled into comfortable drowsiness by a symphony of seagulls and waves lapping on the shore. While these warm lazy afternoons certainly have their place, this is the lake that I long for. Growing up in the mountains, we didn’t have many sandy beaches but God blessed us with countless family adventures like this one.

Marriage Etiquette: It’s Not 50/50

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Photo by Luisa Fernanda Bayona

In my opinion, one of the most common relationship mistakes being made today is the assumption that love, romance and marriage are an equal give and take. How neat and tidy and fair it is to assume that for every effort you make in your marriage there will be a perfectly equal reciprocation. Although I’m still quite new to married life, going on two years as man and wife, that simply hasn’t been my experience. 

My husband and I are different people with varying schedules, moods and needs. Nevertheless, we don’t waste our days keeping score of who’s turn it is to be good to the other. If we did I would certainly come up short far more often. I’m so blessed to have married an incredibly kind, capable and self-sacrificing man who is constantly looking for ways to make my life more pleasant. Everything from planning a date night to replacing the toilet paper in the bathroom is fair game in his eyes. After a series of romantic disappointments and a couple of years living entirely on my own I was more than a little unaccustomed to these habits and have spent the first years of our marriage trying my best to imitate the wonderful man I married. I strive to never miss an opportunity to say “thank you” even when he does something as mundane as wash the dishes. Amid a far more taxing work schedule than mine, he’s still on the lookout for ways to be helpful when he comes home. 

It’s so easy to get stuck in the pointless game of who’s got it worse when interacting with a spouse. The reality is that both parties should seek to give 110% always, even when that doesn’t amount to all that much. No matter what sort of day we’ve had, kindness toward a spouse is never a mistake. There may come days, months or even years when it feels like we’re pouring more of ourselves out than we get in return but that’s life. That’s marriage. Of course there will be battles and hard times for you and your spouse. You will both fall short time and again as we all do but no matter what happens, that person will be with you through it all.

Marriage is not about winning and losing. It’s not about repaying favors and debts. Marriage was designed by God as the most perfect and intimate connection between a man and a woman. We can simply look at our unique and complementary biology to prove this fact. We were literally made for each other and, as God intended it, marriage is about getting your spouse into heaven.

Husbands to Fathers

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In a friendly conversation recently while discussing plans for family visits and other logistics surrounding the birth of our baby girl I mentioned that I’d have to chat about some of these thoughts with my husband. I was a bit taken aback by the response which came in the form of an emphatic “Why?!” In fairness to the other person, the conversation included the birth itself which certainly is and ought to be chiefly in accordance with the wishes of the mother. The act of birthing a child is a physically and spiritually all consuming effort which, in many ways, affords women a singular glimpse into the sacrificial love of Christ on the cross. When it comes to birth, the woman should have the final say. 

Nevertheless, I still came away from the conversation feeling a bit indignant on behalf of the wonderful man I married. The shock and my perceived audacity to consult my husband and bring him into this decision making process took me by surprise. Even among devoutly Catholic circles there is still so much resistance to the submission of wives to their husbands. The fact is that most of my decisions are jointly made with the man I married, even down to our weekly dinner menu. I would not have subjected myself to lifelong holy matrimony to a man I did not respect or whose opinion I did not value. 

When we talk about the birth of our baby I maintain ultimate veto power and he’s more than happy to defer to me on the subject but I still care what he thinks. He is the person who will be there with me, holding my hand through it all. I am so blessed to have found a man who will not be content to sit in the waiting room, but one who will clear his schedule to be present for every moment of our daughter’s life, even those painful and messy first ones. Of course I want to know his thoughts. 

I firmly believe that childbirth is the ultimate feminine super power but even the holy family was not made up of mother and son alone. Just as Joseph was lovingly present for Mary at the nativity of Christ, so will my husband be for the birth of our little girl. I think it’s a terrible disservice we do to men to write them out of the birthing process altogether. It’s true that in some ways they can only be spectators, observing the spiritual bond between mother and child as their wives give themselves over entirely, mind, body and soul, to the good of the child. This is a time of utter vulnerability for mother and baby and I thank God that I will not be facing it alone. 

I believe that a loving, present, supportive husband is critical to the process of carrying and birthing a child and well beyond that. This is also the process in which husbands become fathers. Though not quite so physically demanding as the job of the mother at this juncture, it is no less necessary. He is the rock which she will lean on throughout the process and the protector to which she will entrust their child. Nothing gives me greater confidence as I approach childbirth as my total trust in the man I married. No matter what happens he will be there, ready to defend my and our baby’s interests if necessary and prepared to do whatever is needed to assist the process.

Buds of Grace and Mercy

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Just as the first buds of spring peek into view and the cold weather daffodils pop out of the ground in festive, bright anticipation of warmer days, we Catholics also prepare to celebrate Divine Mercy Sunday. This will be the conclusion of the octave of Easter when we pray in thanksgiving for God’s infinite mercy in our lives. This is a day when Catholics are especially encouraged to receive the sacraments of Reconciliation and Holy Eucharist as means of acquiring special graces associated with this last Sunday of the Easter octave. I pray everyone is able to receive the sacraments this weekend.

Catholic Hospitality

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I hope everyone had a blessed and happy weekend as we entered into the joyous season of Easter. We spent the weekend feasting and spending time with family per our usual traditions at this time of year. As we begin this time of celebration and good cheer in honor or the Resurrection of Christ, today’s post is all about Catholic love, joy and hospitality.

I’ve written on this subject before, most often in reference to the aggressively hospitable woman who raised me. Over the last few years my mom has nurtured a thriving network and culture of deep love and friendship in her home and parish. We joke sometimes that she is the Glenwood mom for all current or potential Catholics in the area looking to grow their faith and community. She’s the woman people seek out to set them up with that cute boy from mass or to give them a lift over the occasionally treacherous passes on their way to Denver. For those looking for a home cooked meal and a riveting theological heart-to-heart, my mom is the person to call. Through all this she has solidified for herself and my dad deep, true and lasting friendships. I aspire to be just like her. Recently, God gave me my chance. 

Despite being incredibly shy, I love people and for years I have craved holy friendships like those that my mom has cultivated. However, my lack of social confidence has frequently been a barrier to achieving that goal and I once confessed this to one of our priest friends. To my surprise and delight he didn’t scoff at me and my poor social skills or brush off the comment as meaningless small talk. He simply offered to set my husband and I up with other young Catholic couples in the parish. It was an offer I could not refuse though it did require a little courage to take him up on it. 

A week after our initial conversation I contacted him expressing a desire to connect with those young Catholics he’d mentioned. Three short hours later I received a text from a young woman from the parish asking us to dinner with her family at their home. She sent a picture of her and her husband with their two adorable kids as a little introduction. I was a bit taken aback at how seriously and quickly the father had gone about his work of finding us Catholic friends and I felt a little awkward about the situation as these new Catholic friends had come into our lives somewhat inorganically. However, I didn’t dare turn down the dinner invitation. 

On the day we were to meet my husband and I hopped in the car and headed down the road. We both chuckled to learn that the little family lived less than ten minutes from us. We were first greeted by their two kids who opened the door and welcomed us inside, closely tailed by their mother. Throughout the evening we learned all about them, their faith journeys and even some shared Colorado experience as they’d spent some time there before moving back to the midwest. 

We were also happy to discover that they were also expecting a baby. After dinner had been cleared away their son recruited my husband to build a toy car race track in his room and all the boys headed that direction. This gave us gals a chance to chat about all things pregnancy related and she even gifted me Made for This; The Catholic Mom’s Guide to Birth by Mary Haseltine, a book which I’m still in the process of reading and thoroughly enjoying. Eventually their little girl got bored of watching her brother play with his cars and climbed up next to me on the sofa with a book of her own in hand. Needless to say, we ended up staying and visiting much later than we’d intended and excitedly chatted about promising new friendship in the car on the way home. 

They’ve since introduced us to a newly engaged couple from the parish as well and we all had a great time chatting about weddings, babies and of course, all things Catholic over a card game one evening. I firmly believe that God answers all prayers in His own way and His own time and rarely does this occur as we’d expect. However, I’ve also been blessed with a wonderful epiphany after meeting this welcoming Catholic family. Sometimes, all we have to do is ask.