A Disciple of Christ

The Perfect Forgiver

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Catholics walk a fine line in our daily lives, in constant tension. We are acutely aware of the weight of our sins and the price they incurred in the death of God’s only begotten Son on the cross. We also live in perpetual hope and jubilation at the knowledge of God’s divine love and mercy. How easy it is to err on either side of that line. 

In my own circle, many of the best, holiest people I know seem to labor under the delusion that their personal sins are insurmountable. I am frequently inspired by the goodness and righteous zeal of the people in my family and community. Yet, they talk about themselves as if they are worthless and utterly undeserving of forgiveness. Even after running to confession, many Catholics go through life speaking and acting as if they cannot possibly hope to merit God’s mercy. With the exception of Mary, we are all undeserving. However, in my experience, God doesn’t give us things because we deserve them. I’m still trying to figure out how to be someone who deserves the amazing man I married and the sweet little girl we created together. As far as I can tell, I’m not even close. Happily, in addition to being perfectly just, God is also perfectly merciful. After confession on one divine mercy Sunday I was reduced nearly to tears at the realization of this ultimate love and compassion He has for us. He is the perfect forgiver. Though I have done wretched and regrettable things in my life, none of them are greater than His flawless mercy for each and every one of us. 

Of course, not everyone will be saved. Society has dumbed down many of the Church’s teachings to the point that Christ is often treated as a supernatural wingman; someone to pal around with every Sunday and who will always get you out of a tight spot. Though it may occasionally be comforting to assume that we’re all generally good people who are all in God’s good graces, the reality is that this line of thinking is itself sinful. God is not a lucky charm or a genie in a bottle. To bounce through life presuming on God’s forgiveness is to forget the horror, pain and enormity of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. His agony and death gifted us a path to salvation, but we are still called to actively choose that path.

Only the sincerely repentant sinner can hope to achieve salvation and therefore, the sincerely repentant sinner should hope for salvation. To aim any lower than sainthood is to deny oneself the full benefit and blessing of God’s ultimate gift for us, sent to us through His Son.

Bring Back the Overture!

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Photo by Ylanite Koppens

This may be my least popular opinion to date. My husband recently showed me the movie, Ben Hur during a lenten date night. I highly recommend this Christ-adjacent film to anyone looking for an epic religious watch. Among the things I love about this movie, it has a 6 minute overture. This 1959 classic was created in a time when films were an experience rather than an easy way to kill a couple hours on the couch. They were made to draw you in, take you on a journey and teach you something along the way. No wonder the overture was 6 minutes. In order to fully embark on such an adventure one must first settle into the proper frame of mind and put aside all other cares for a while. 

Sadly, even my husband and I didn’t sit through the entire overture. Our excuse was that after putting baby to bed it was already late and Ben Hur is not a short movie. Everyone can come up with a similarly valid excuse to fast forward to the opening scene. We are a society of people totally incapable of sitting still and entering into an experience for just 6 minutes. Even in the theater, the overture has been replaced by mind numbing previews. There is a need for constant entertainment at the push of a button which has infected every corner of our society. It’s practically unthinkable to go for a drive without switching on the radio or a preferred podcast. To simply sit with our own thoughts even for a few minutes is outright nightmarish. 

We desperately need the overture in our lives. In addition to being a marker of inspired storytelling, it was also a luxury of a slower, simpler time. Going to the movies was a fun outing and a much needed break after a long week of hard work. Now people hide from the world and from work to binge shows on their computer. They need not even leave the comfort of their own bed. This once communal pastime has been entirely flipped on its head. 

Additionally, this inability to endure 6 short minutes of rousing orchestral music at the beginning of a film highlights a much deeper issue among people today. If we can’t do this, how on earth are we ever going to be able to sit in silent, rapt attention before God? I am a firm believer in the power of prayer, especially fervent prayer before the Blessed Sacrament. We fill every waking minute with noise, tuning into any voice we can find for fear of a silence which might allow us to hear the one voice that matters most. Over the din of life how can we possibly hear God when He speaks to us?

Afternoon Tea

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We have officially been back in ordinary time for a number of weeks. The Christmas season has come and gone and with it the mountain of sugary treats on our kitchen table. The hubby and I thoroughly enjoyed celebrating the nativity of Christ with an assortment of cookies, chocolates and other holiday goodies.

However, as we move through the liturgical calendar our hearts and belts are happy to check our sugar intake. We hope this will aid us in maintaining healthy habits as well as guide us to a deeper understanding of Christ through intentional and liturgical living. Therefore, during ordinary time we have resolved to live ordinarily, forgoing desserts and sweets except for feast days or special occasions with friends or family. This also means no afternoon hot cocoa for wifey on chilly winter days. I instead warm myself with a steaming cup of tea in a delightfully hobbit-like fashion. I’m traditionally a coffee drinker and while this is no replacement for that welcome morning beverage I’ve come to look forward to afternoon tea time.

My husband and I have already found our sugar cravings greatly diminished just in these first weeks. Undoubtedly we will be tempted at times to bend our new healthy habits, particularly as we look toward Lent when we will be instituting additional offerings. However, I’m happy to report that afternoon tea has become a welcome treat in its own right.  

Baby Hands

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My mom and I have recently embarked on a spiritual journey together. It is currently day eight of Fiat90. These 90 days leading up to Easter are a beautiful meditation and Marian devotion, one I had never heard of until a couple weeks ago when my own mother suggested we try it. Included in this devotion are various forms of fasting, heightened prayer and daily scripture readings. 

My very first day of Fiat90 began as a less than average one. Since the birth of our daughter, I have struggled intermittently with nursing, becoming painfully sore at times. With her first two teeth poking through the gums, this was one of those times. She’s also had some slight sleep regression lately, likely due to her teething discomfort and on top of these mommy troubles, our kitchen sink backed up the evening before Fiat90 was to begin. This made it impossible to do the dinner dishes piled high on the kitchen counter. I was dragging a bit when I sat down to do my Fiat90 readings for the first time. Baby girl decided this was the perfect opportunity to enjoy the mommy jungle gym and kept climbing over my lap, not at all pleased that my attention was temporarily diverted. This was as adorable as it was distracting.

However, when I reached the rosary portion of the prayers, her energy changed completely. She stilled, no longer pulling at my shirt and dragging herself across my knees. She became totally enthralled with my St. Anthony rosary as I worked the beads through my fingers. She was perfectly content to hold the other end gently in her tiny hands as I recited each prayer, seeming to understand that this sacramental was not a chew toy like nearly everything else she touches these days. All my cares from that day and the previous evening fell away as I watched my daughter calmly examine the rosary, exploring it with soft, delicate baby fingers.

Traveling for Christmas

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Welcome back and Happy New Year to all! We reigned in the new year with the Solemnity of Mary while recuperating from a long journey. Our little family recently returned from our first ever Christmas adventure as three. We left the Shire-like fields of the Midwest in search of snowcapped mountains and family we haven’t seen in months. We spent the days leading up to Christmas playing tourist in my childhood home after an 18 hour drive across country with the little one. Though it was a big ask for our baby girl, still less than a year old, she was a trooper throughout the trip and was showered with love from her grandparents when we arrived. The hubby and I sent up countless prayers before and during this journey to Mary to intercede for our daughter and soothe her along the way. As usual, the Blessed Mother was listening. Although we didn’t see quite as much snow as we were hoping to or have as many hiking opportunities as we’re accustomed to, this Christmas vacation to Colorado was a wonderful blessing which I’ll be talking more about in the coming weeks. For now, I pray everyone had a holy and happy Christmas.

Peace Be With You

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Photo by Irina Anastasiu

The holy season of Advent has begun once again! Amid the secular hustle and bustle of holiday decorating and shopping this should also be a time of spiritual reflection and prayer. Thanks to a rockstar hubby and our parish annual Advent Vespers series, this new mommy was able to participate in both. While my husband put the little one to bed I headed to church for evening prayer. 

I hadn’t realized how truly full and busy our days had become until I sat silently in that candlelit sanctuary. This is by no means a complaint. Our daughter has filled our lives with more joy than we knew we were capable of and we continue to fall more in love with her every day. With her lighting up our world with adorable baby babble, there simply aren’t many moments to pause for quiet reflection. This was an opportunity for which I am immensely grateful to my husband. It was a blessed night out in which I was able to sit with Christ and pray for two of the people I love the very most without distraction. 

We expend so much time and energy maintaining our relationships with our loved ones. However, we often forget to love Christ in a similar fashion. These Vespers services are among my favorite events put on at our parish as their main purpose is to do just that. During that hour spent surrounded by fellow parishioners while lost in my own silent prayers I felt the presence of the holy spirit in the room. I felt a deeper connection with God than I have in months and was overwhelmed with a sense of peace. I pray everyone is able to grow in their relationship with Christ this season. 

Inviting Mary In

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Check it out! The story of our Pilgrim Virgin was picked up by the Northwest Indiana Catholic. If you are in or near the Valparaiso area don’t hesitate to invite Mary into your home with this beautiful family devotion to the Blessed Virgin. It’s never too late.

https://dcgary.org/news/ambassadors-renew-pilgrim-virgin-statue-family-devotion

Christ in Our Home

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Over the years I’ve come across beautiful personal shrines to Christ and His Blessed Mother. Many are even complete with candles and kneelers, little nooks that have been transformed into places of family prayer. My mom created such a place in her home atop my parents’ old upright piano. At the time she did this I was still in high school and had yet to find my faith. However, I did have a passion for music and loved playing that very piano. 

Sadly, the rebellious teenage voice in my mind, small and quiet though it was, looked on this shrine as a kind of trespass upon my own place of worship. Of course, I hadn’t given much thought to exactly who or what I was worshiping but playing the piano was one of those things I liked to do to unwind and converting it into a mini Catholic shrine felt like an overstep. I never shared this with my mom but a tiny part of me resented how the piano was suddenly strung with rosaries and depictions of Christ. 

Thankfully, I have grown in my knowledge and faith since then. My teenage indignance has turned to spiritual envy and I now find myself imitating my mother. Nearly a decade later I have erected a very similar display in my own home. In our small house we have no piano or convenient nook but we have a bookshelf set in the middle of our family room. It is laden with our favorite stories including that of Christ on the cross. 

Trusting His Plan

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One thing that has become abundantly clear to me during my short three years as a practicing Catholic is that God’s plan is infinitely better than ours. Every time something miraculous happens in my life which utterly upsets the status quo and shatters my expectations I am freshly reminded of God’s goodness. It happened when I moved to Indiana, it happened when I met my husband and it happened when we welcomed our daughter into the world. None of these events played out quite like I would have imagined. They were even better and I am forever changed because of them. 

The most recent pivotal event, the birth of our baby girl, ushered in an entirely new way of life which called for no small amount of deliberation with my husband as well as a renewed trust in God. After months of consideration and a thorough look at our finances I became a stay at home mom. For the first time in my life, my daily routine is not centered around a career. The engineering job which I’ve spent the majority of my life pursuing is currently in the rearview mirror. Perhaps one day when our kids are grown I may return to it but for now I am simply a mother. 

This decision was met with overwhelming congratulations and support from friends and family, though some of them naturally voiced a number of questions which had been on replay in my own mind for the past year. Are you ready to live on only one income? Won’t you miss your job? Will you get bored? What are you going to do with your time? These are all perfectly valid concerns and were taken into consideration as this was not a choice made lightly. 

Given the high costs of daycare and other childcare arrangements, a second income would not have ultimately benefited our overall finances by a significant margin. My husband is picking up a few extra overtime jobs while I am our primary childcare but these are sacrifices we are both happy to make. Perhaps someday I may come to miss the comradery of the office and mill life. However, though I made many friends at work I haven’t yet had a chance to miss the work itself. I love being home with my daughter. How could I possibly pass up seeing her sweet little face, even on the bad days, to sit at a desk in front of a computer for 40 hours a week? Motherhood will undoubtedly have its dull seasons and sleepless nights but I can’t imagine doing anything else. I believe that the time and energy I spent earning my engineering degree and scoring a job in the steel industry was still pointing me to exactly where I am today. All that work was done in the name of setting myself up to one day be able to raise a family. 

My husband and I are continuing our commitments to our various church ministries while baby girl and I are on a constant mission to get out of the house. She’s a nature girl, after my own heart, and loves making new friends. In those spare moments when we’re not walking the neighborhood, hiking the local trails, having a playdate or attending weekday mass she occasionally lets me set her down long enough to do a little cooking and home upkeep. So far there hasn’t been a day wasted and I’m always learning more efficient methods for getting things done around the house while juggling the little one. Of course, I am now more dependent on my husband than ever before and it’s always possible that tragedy may strike tomorrow. Our situation may change in the blink of an eye. I may be called to return to office life unexpectedly but I choose not to live in fear of what might happen tomorrow. We are simply called to bear the crosses of today. Relying on my husband while I watch our daughter learn and grow every day is a cross I am overjoyed to take up daily. God is so good. 

A Visit from the Pilgrim Virgin

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Apologies once again for the lack of Monday posts over the past couple of weeks. I am still learning the juggling act which is motherhood. Today’s post is all about the ultimate mother, the Blessed Virgin Mary. Although there are many sights of Marian apparitions throughout the world worthy of pilgrimage, for one week the Holy Mother blessed our home with a pilgrimage of her own. While we hosted her we prayed a rosary and litany in front of her statue as a family every day. This was all in participation of a tradition very near to my husband’s heart. 

During his upbringing my husband and several of the men in his family spent their Saturday afternoons processing the Blessed Virgin from one house to another, praying the rosary in front of her with each family as she traveled to a different home every week. This holy work was performed by a group of devout Catholic men known as the Ambassadors of Mary, a group dedicated to promoting devotion to the Blessed Mother. As my husband and his family moved away from their hometown the tradition petered out for a time. 

However, we recently watched a documentary, Pray: The Story of Patrick Peyton, which details the life of this incredible priest from Ireland. Of his many accomplishments, Fr. Peyton maintained a special and infectious devotion to the rosary, leading millions in prayer during massive rosary rallies. He is also responsible for the phrase “the family that prays together stays together.” His is a truly inspiring story which is still sure to ignite a fire for the Blessed Mother in the hearts of those who hear it. Such was the case for my husband and I. He immediately set to work coordinating a new Ambassadors of Mary ministry in our home parish. 

This was also the week in which I officially became a stay at home mom and it was an especially poignant blessing to welcome the mother of Christ into our home during that transition. Our house was filled with the peace and joy of her motherly intercession. Even our three month old daughter was overcome with awe for the beautiful Blessed Virgin, unable to tear her eyes away from the statue. We look forward to hosting her as often as we can.