A Disciple of Christ

Lent: What Are You Giving Back?

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Everyone wants to know what you’re giving up for Lent but no one ever asks what you’re giving back for Lent. It’s not just a self-improvement kick to get a few of your preferred vices in check. What are you doing with all that extra time that you’re not wasting scrolling through social media? How are you leading your family to new healthy habits now that sweets are off the menu? Most importantly, how do your Lenten sacrifices give glory to God?

Lent is a penitential preparation for Easter and the resurrection of Christ. The forty days leading up to this christian holiday are intended to be a time of sacrifice in which we imitate the forty days of Christ’s fasting in the wilderness before he began his public ministry. As Catholics we do not fast when the bridegroom, Christ, is present in the church. This occurs in the holy Eucharist during Sunday mass and thus Sundays during Lent are a time of relaxed fasting although they should not be treated as cheat days or an excuse to over indulge. This would encourage us to look forward to Sunday for the wrong reasons. Fasting between meals can be suspended on these days but other Lent offerings should continue through the duration of the entire forty day season. 

Here are a few tips for diving into your Lenten resolutions this year.

  • Be intentional – Don’t wait until the last minute to set your Lenten goals. It’s even harder to keep yourself honest when you decide on your Lenten sacrifices after the fact.
  • Replace old habits with new ones – Don’t be content to simply remove bad habits from your schedule. You still need to find something else to fill those holes in your life so find prayerful and charitable activities that you can do instead. Find ways to center this forty day fast around Christ. 
  • Be specific – The wishy washy goals are always the hardest to achieve. Choose specific activities, foods or experiences that you will avoid this season and exchange them with equally specific habits that bring you closer to God.
  • Live Liturgically – In conjunction with other Lenten sacrifices we are called to abstain from meat on Fridays. This practice can also be continued beyond Lent as a weekly reminder of Christ’s sacrifice for us although it is no longer an official teaching of the Catholic Church. 
  • Write it down – If there’s no record of it, who’s to say that was actually your Lenten sacrifice in the first place? This will help you stay true to yourself and to God. 
  • Share the burden – Tell someone, a spouse, a parent, a friend, what your intentions are this Lent season and ask them to help you stick to those offerings. You don’t have to do it alone. 
  • Don’t budge – It’s not supposed to be easy. Every time you have a craving for your favorite indulgences is a reminder to stop and think about why you’ve made this sacrifice in the first place. It’s an opportunity to reflect on God’s sacrifice for us. When this happens don’t be afraid to send up a quick Hail Mary or Our Father asking for intercessions to help you stay true to your Lenten fast this season.

The Feast of Saint Valentine

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This is a PSA to all the gentlemen looking to surprise their wives and girlfriends this year. Tomorrow is the feast of Saint Valentine, the patron saint of love and happy marriages among many other things. Don’t forget to show your special someone how truly loved they are. Just a few short years ago I never would have guessed that I’d now be among the ranks of happily married women but by God’s grace, that is one of the greatest blessings I’ve ever been granted. During my days as a single lady I had my share of frustrating dead end first dates but I prayed that just one of them would sweep me off my feet. Nearly two years later I’m still marveling at God’s goodness in that answered prayer as I fall more in love with my husband every single day.

Giving It Up To God

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We all go through slumps in life whether it be due to relationship difficulties, workplace frustration, or simply the occasional day-to-day monotony which can creep into our activities if we’re not careful. Everyone has a cross to bear in this life but in turning to God during our times of woe, our suffering is not in vain.

Just as God used the suffering of His only son on the cross to forgive our sins, He uses our own personal sufferings on Earth for good. It’s easy to look at our lives and bemoan all the things that aren’t going our way. I know I struggle to see the silver lining sometimes. I’m a verbal thinker and rarely hesitate to vent my frustrations to my husband or my mom as a means of processing it all. This can be a helpful practice but there is a fine line between venting and whining. 

As Catholics we are called to trust in God in all things even when we struggle to see a good outcome. Sometimes the very best thing we can do is offer all of our discomforts and frustrations to God. We are not all made for great glory or fame despite the fact that, on some level, I think most people daydream about changing the world. But what could be more glorious than being a good spouse, parent, friend, employee? What could be grander than doing your very best in the life that God gave you, bearing your lumps without complaint?

This is not a lesson that’s easy for me to embrace. As stated earlier, I’m quick to vent (complain) about my lumps. I was raised to be very solution oriented and upon encountering situations that I find distasteful, I’m equally as quick to start dreaming up ways to change my life in order to avoid similar future situations. This kind of thinking isn’t necessarily wrong but sometimes the true test of character is not to search for the nearest exit when discovering a problem.

Of course God wants us to be happy, successful and fulfilled in life. This is evidenced through the individual talents which he blesses us with. We are each called to give glory to God in our own ways and through our own gifts. But even in this there are trials and obstacles to overcome. Imagine all the good we might see in the world if we all offered it up to God a little more.

A Tragedy of Modern Intelligence

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Photo by Keenan Constance

I recently heard a news story that struck a nerve with me. It was a recount of a young woman who had been hospitalized for frightening symptoms including an extended blinding migraine which was the result of a blood clot in her brain caused by her use of hormonal birth control. Although such symptoms are certainly not guaranteed and many women use birth control without a visit to the emergency room, its physical and moral dangers are hardly ever communicated to women who are simply trying to be smart and responsible.

Before my conversion to the Catholic faith I was among these women. We grow up in a society which tells women that an accidental baby will be the end of their careers, their ambition and their lives and that the surest safeguard is a magical pill which will suppress their bodies’ natural inclination for reproduction. Even women who have no intention of engaging in sexual activity are encouraged to be on birth control just in case and also to regulate menstrual pains and cycles. 

To the many women who preach the menstrual regulation logic, it is a cheap and ridiculous cop-out. You are not exempt from the moral perils of birth control simply because you haven’t found someone you’re willing to sleep with yet. If you really want to regulate your cycle try keeping healthy habits. Stick to consistent sleep and exercise schedules and adhere to a healthy diet. In all likelihood, your cycle will eventually regulate itself. As for the horrific menstrual cramps that some women are plagued with, there are many far less cumbersome and damaging pain relieving options. 

However, the only alternative to birth control that we hear of is total abstinence which is only briefly, and somewhat sarcastically, encouraged in our high school health classes and often only spoken of as a means to avoid becoming pregnant. Our entire society tells us that the smart, responsible thing to do is to go on hormonal birth control and we’re led to believe that it’s generally harmless. 

In addition to the potentially life threatening dangers of birth control, there’s also a moral question to be asked. What does it do to your soul? Many Catholics are quick to respond that it closes a person off to the possibility of life which is a deliberate turning away from God and is therefore sinful. It’s true. By engaging in practices which deprive you of God’s gifts and blessings purely for your own pleasure you practice saying no to God himself. People today act as if sex is good for only one thing which is personal pleasure when in fact, the purpose of sex is to have children. You simply cannot approach it casually with this understanding in mind. God gave us free will but that does not free us from our holy and moral obligations. We don’t get to do whatever we want whenever we want with whoever we want without reaping the consequences. 

I think it is a terrible disservice we do to women to make them feel that their lives will be over if they have a baby, whether or not they’re mentally prepared for one. We see movies and read books about women who had to drop out of college and work three frustrating, mediocre jobs to care and provide for their surprise newborn. Very rarely do we see happy, married, stable, successful mothers portrayed with the same enthusiasm. This is where I feel unbelievably blessed to have been raised by such a lady. 

Although I am not yet a mother, I grew up with two wonderful, loving parents who encouraged me in all my endeavors while touting the joys and virtues of family. Never once in my entire life have I detected a shred of bitterness or regret from my mom about her decision to leave a promising and lucrative career in order to raise my sister and I. To this day she maintains that having kids was one of the best things to ever happen to her. That’s not to say that it was all sunshine and rainbows. My dad dedicated himself to providing for us which sometimes meant long hours at the office and occasionally we all had to tighten our belts a little with economic downturns. Our lives weren’t always perfect or easy but we loved each other and weathered our lumps together. 

It’s true that some women are less suited to motherhood, more fulfilled by other worthy pursuits, but so often we are led by society to make the grievous assumption that these women are the rule rather than the exception. High powered careers are not everything they’re cracked up to be and marriage and children are not the all consuming indentured servitude that we see in the movies. As my sister, a medical student and aspiring doctor once said, what could possibly be more worthwhile than raising good people?

I know that many of these views are not widely shared or expressed and they may seem pious or harsh to some. I may not change anyone’s mind but I wish that someone had said all this to me when I was a freshman in college. I wish I’d been given cause to hesitate when visiting my campus health center to acquire my prescription for the pill.

Aggressively Hospitable

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This is a term my sister and I affectionately coined to describe our wonderful, loving, Catholic mother. Once while my mom was telling me about her day over the phone she said “I couldn’t nap so I made a lasagna.” While this is the single most Italian thing I’ve ever heard her say it also perfectly highlights her unquenchable spirit of giving. She’s constantly hosting dinners for her church friends or sharing a nightcap with one of her local priests. She spends her days dreaming up new ways to draw people to the faith and strengthen her parish community and is never content until those dreams have been fully realized. In short, my mom is aggressively hospitable. 

She has a PR personality that is ever seeking to bring souls closer to the Kingdom of Heaven. It’s an endearing and relentless attitude which I’ve found is widely shared among many Catholic women, mothers in particular. I aspire to be counted among the ranks of aggressively hospitable ladies that are reinvigorating our faith and pray they never run out of steam in their soul saving quest. 

Our Lady of Guadalupe

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Today, December 12th, many Catholics celebrate the second appearance of Our Lady of Guadalupe to Saint Juan Diego. Her first appearance occurred three days earlier on Tepeyac Hill where she requested a shrine to be built on that spot to share her love and compassion with other believers. Juan Diego went to the bishop with this instruction but the bishop required a sign  before he would approve construction. Thus Mary appeared again to Juan Diego and instructed him to climb to the top of the hill and gather roses which he then brought to the bishop in the dead of winter as proof of Mary’s apparition. The cloak, or tilma, in which he carried the roses was imprinted with her image which is still venerated by Catholics today. 

The Virgin of Guadalupe was later named the Patron Saint of the Americas. She remains an icon of unconditional love and compassion for Catholics around the world who flock to Tepeyac Hill, now Mexico City, and the Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe every year. 

Catholic Daily Dress

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Photo by Nataliya Vaitkevich

I’ve written on this subject before in the context of the mass but the fact is there is an appropriate dress code for every occasion. Workout clothes are for working out. Pajamas are for sleeping. Jeans and t-shirts are for grubby errands or work around the house. I realize this is a very unpopular opinion in our casual world. I’m not advocating that we walk around in ball gowns and tuxedos all the time but there is a day-to-day standard of dress which we are called to maintain and which is so often disregarded.

How we look says things about who we are. Fashion is not about celebrating ourselves through a grand spectacle but should instead be an outward sign of our inner virtues embraced in Catholic teaching. Cleanliness, modesty, discipline, humility, beauty, poise can all be communicated and practiced through our daily attire. It reminds us to live out our faith in all situations. 

This is an ideal which should be upheld by both men and women. Unless you’re at the beach or on the verge of heat exhaustion there’s absolutely no reason for you to be whipping off your shirt in public, regardless of gender. It doesn’t matter how fabulous your six pack is. In fact, going around town in little more than a sports bra is deeply uncatholic for men or women. It invites scandal by leading others to sin or have sinful thoughts which damages their souls and is in direct conflict with loving thy neighbor.

Likewise, sweatpants or ratty jeans are not appropriate for a day around town. Have you ever noticed how men and women distinguish themselves when getting dressed up for a formal evening event but in the day-to-day routine everyone starts to look the same? This is my second unpopular opinion for the day. Men and women are different. We think differently, we act differently and we ought to dress differently. 

I’m not saying that women can’t throw on a pair of pants in certain situations. I regularly do it myself. But so often ladies underestimate the power of a nice dress and a sensible pair of heels, just as many men are loath to don a button down and a pair of slacks. We were made to complement each other in distinctly feminine and masculine ways. By embracing these traits in ourselves we become better partners to each other. If you are called to marriage and are on the hunt for a virtuous spouse your first step should be to start looking and acting like one. 

I know there are many people who feel that it’s just clothing and it’s what’s on the inside that counts so let me extend this challenge. Do everything in your power to put your best foot forward this week even if it seems like a waste of time. Perhaps nothing will come of it but we are made in the image and likeness of God in body and soul. How might He begin working in our lives if we all started dressing the part?

My Adult Conversion: Skeptic to Enthusiast

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Photo by RODNAE Productions

Of course, with the knowledge that I have now, I wish I’d been more open and willing in my journey to faith but the truth is my investigation into the Catholic Church was initially driven by pride and spite rather than a deep sense of morality. I didn’t begin learning about God out of a desire to know Him better as I suspect is the case for many Catholic converts. 

I began going to church because I wanted to be able to have an educated conversation with my parents about why I was not Catholic. In short, I wanted to be able to better argue my case. I spent my days pondering the faith and trying my best to poke holes in it. Eventually, in addition to attending Sunday mass every week I also began participating in Right of Christian Initiation for Adults (RCIA) at my home parish in order to dive deeper into the scripture and truly understand the Catholic perspective. This was one of the best decisions I could have made at the time as RCIA is designed to educate skeptical non-Catholics like myself as well as guide them through the process of being received fully into the church through the Sacraments of Initiation.

Here there were no silly questions and I was encouraged to voice my concerns and hang-ups about the faith. Each week we dissected the Sunday liturgy to give context to the Bible readings before diving into a group Q&A. Through this process I realized that all of my resistance to the faith could be boiled down to just a few questions which I’ll be discussing on this blog soon. However, on the whole, my values were very much in line with Catholic teachings. I already actively sought to live a generally Catholic life despite my previous lack of formal worship, particularly on topics like marriage, the right to life and Catholic virtues.

During my high school years I sometimes attended weekly mass with my parents and on one of these occasions I took a good look at the people there. I was struck by how similar they seemed to me in dress and mannerisms. Even then I knew that it was a crowd in which I could easily fit in but I would have been doing it simply to make my parents happy. That seemed a poor and dishonest reason to convert to the faith and was quickly dismissed. Years later in RCIA I was hit with the same realization but with a much stronger understanding of the faith. I still generally looked and acted like a Catholic but now had a solid basis for doing so beyond the fact that it was just how my parents raised me. 

I do believe that God intended for me to be Catholic despite the first 21 years of my life that were spent without worship. Although some church teachings were harder learned than others, I’m happy to have had the opportunity to come to the faith as an adult and to truly choose God with my whole heart. 

Saint Anne, Saint Anne, bring me a man as fast as you can!

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Photo by cottonbro

For most of my life I wasn’t sure I wanted a good Catholic fellow. After one failed long term relationship, a smattering of dead end first dates and years of the single life, I was more than hesitant to limit my options. It seemed to me that young Catholic gentlemen were rare and far between. I also had yet to discover the true power of prayer and was skeptical that it could land me my dream husband. The jury was still out on whether such a person even existed at all. Little did I know that God had plans for me.

At the urging of my deeply Catholic and loving mother, I prayed a nine day novena to Saint Anne. I wasn’t expecting it to work but I knew it would make my mom happy and at the very least, it couldn’t hurt my odds. As a much more seasoned woman of faith than I, my mom had some tips for exactly what intercessions to ask for from the patron Saint of unmarried women. Her number one piece of advice was to BE SPECIFIC. I wasn’t merely praying for a date or even a husband but rather that God send me a kind, humble, handsome, Catholic gentleman who would go the extra mile early and often and would always strive to bring me closer to my faith. I rolled my eyes at the time for what I thought could only amount to wishful thinking but did as instructed. I said the words everyday while desperately hoping that, just maybe, the grandmother of our savior, Jesus Christ, might hear my plea for help. 

Not only were my prayers heard. They were answered one thousand times over. Just a few months after my grudging but heartfelt novena to Saint Anne I met the love of my life, a man I would marry just one year later. No good thing in my life has come to me the way I expected but every single prayer was answered. I got everything I asked for in my husband . He’s even more old-fashioned than I am, always holding doors for me and showing up with a dozen red roses on Valentine’s Day. Since we met he’s taught me nearly all the prayers I know; the Rosary, the Memoroire, the Guardian Angel Prayer. He’s constantly looking for ways to woo and spoil me while keeping me humble and on the path to God. 

Prayer works! Everyday that I get to wake up to my very own miracle is a happy reminder that God hears me and He loves me.

Faith isn’t Taboo

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There always seem to be a couple of subjects that most people shy away from in professional or social situations. Politics and religion are devoutly avoided because you never know who could be listening and of course you don’t want to offend your friends or coworkers. This is, in my opinion, precisely the wrong approach.

As disciples of Christ we are called to do God’s work and spread the good news. We should talk about our faith just as freely as we would a favorite hobby because it’s so much more than a hobby. It’s a lifestyle and a conscious choice that informs everything we do. In every conversation, whether it be at work or at a Saturday potluck, we should always strive to be living examples of Christ for the other person. This does not mean that we have to be preachy or holier than thou. It doesn’t mean that we are on a mission to force our ideas and beliefs down the throats of everyone we meet. Quite the opposite.

We are always called to act in an attitude of service, kindness and compassion toward our neighbor (friends, family, coworkers, random strangers on the street) and to turn toward God in everything we do. This sounds straightforward but can be surprisingly uncomfortable in our modern society. Sometimes it seems nothing short of social suicide to tell people what we believe. However, as with everything in life, practice makes perfect. Here are some small, everyday ways that you can profess your faith without losing your friends.

  • Wear a cross or crucifix
  • Make the sign of the cross and pray before a meal when you go out to eat
  • Pray a rosary when boarding a plane or other public transportation
  • Be honest in office small talk. Share your weekend fellowship or service ministry experiences and your Sunday plans.
  • Invite friends to mass – they might say no but at the very least it’s nice to be invited and there’s always a chance that this is just the invitation they were waiting for.

We might be a little uncomfortable and out of practice when it comes to sharing our faith but we absolutely can and should talk about it. Being Catholic is more than going to church on Sunday or helping with the local soup kitchen or filling up the parish collection basket. We have to go out into the world and proclaim the good news.