No matter how many nieces and nephews you have or how many babies you’ve met, there’s nothing quite like watching your own baby do things for the first time. Our daughter isn’t crawling yet but she has started rolling over. Also among her firsts, she’s smiling, giggling, recognizing mommy and daddy as well as babbling and drooling like crazy. She likes to grab anything within reach; hands, feet, her teething rosary, a crinkly baby book, and stuff it into her mouth. At this point it’s nearly impossible to distinguish intelligible words from her but on one occasion she very intentionally looked up at my husband and uttered two syllables that had us both giddy with excitement. “Dadaaah.”
Next time I turn around she’ll be on the move, exploring our home on all fours. Just the other day I was finally able to set her down for a solo nap for two full hours. This is all part of normal, healthy development which all children go through and yet I can’t help marveling at each and every tiny first as its own miracle.
As I’ve mentioned on this blog, I recently made the leap from a full time metallurgical engineer to a stay at home mom. This was a decision which I arrived at after nearly a year of contemplation and discernment, and I haven’t regretted it for a second. However, it was not a transition without sacrifice.
During my five years working as a quality engineer in the steel industry I tasted total independence for the first, and likely last, time in my life. For a while, it was everything I imagined it could be. It was a productive, engaging and uncomplicated way of living. I spent my days working in an interesting field and filled my evenings and weekends with opportunities to hone my social skills or take up new hobbies. I became what many people consider an interesting person. There was a wow factor to this young, personable female engineer. People were so impressed to learn of my chosen career path and I admit that I enjoyed their praise. My life was a whirlwind of activity and possibilities. I was completely free to do what I wanted when I wanted.
However, the shine of total independence began to tarnish after about six months. Truly not needing anything from anyone becomes a very lonely existence rather quickly. Although I filled my time outside of work by making new friends, I never grew exceptionally close with any of them and I started to miss the relationships which are born from necessity, the familial bonds with people in my life who should always be needed in some capacity.
I think that independence is something everyone should experience at some point and I feel immensely blessed to have had a sample of it myself. I am also thrilled that it’s over. Now, I get to lean on my husband while I pour my time and energy into the raising of our baby girl. I get the bliss of fully dedicating myself to motherhood while trusting and knowing that my husband will handle everything else. Motherhood is an occupation with little wow factor and no paycheck but there’s no other job I’d rather do.
We’ve all seen those families run by the smallest of the children, kids who haven’t yet heard the word no a sufficient number of times and who maintain a tyrannical rule of chaos over their frazzled parents. It’s tempting to shake our heads and the words spoiled rotten come to mind. However, rarely do we hear tales of it going the other way.
God in infinite kindness blessed us with a tremendously good and happy baby. Over the last few months she has certainly spoiled mommy and daddy rotten. We have been lulled into a simple routine of long walks and easy bedtimes so that even the slightest resistance seems nightmarish in comparison. The hubby and I have grown so accustomed to having a happy baby that it’s shamefully easy to snap into panic and stress at the first sign of displeasure from her. In the thick of a drawn out, traumatic bedtime, how easy it is to forget the far more frequent moments of pure sunshine when she smiles or giggles or simply dozes peacefully in our arms. Thank you God for this wondrous, sweet little girl!
In light of the birth of our beautiful baby girl my husband and I were recently set to our very first task in her religious upbringing, selecting her godparents. Fortunately, every godfather need not be an infamous Italian mobster and godmothers may forgo the magic wand and fairy wings. As with many things today I think the purpose of godparents has gotten a bit lost in more secular traditions, even among devout Catholic circles. Choosing godparents is not at all akin to deciding on members of a wedding party. To be a godfather or godmother is not simply a sentimental honorific title, bestowed upon your closest friends or family. There is one question which must be considered when making this decision. In the unlikely event that you and your spouse are unable to raise your child, who can most be counted on to ensure your baby receives proper faith formation?
Although it certainly is an honor to be one’s godparent (I myself am a proud godmother of two), that is not the primary purpose of the position. Godparents should be chosen for the good of the child only. It is an immense responsibility and a job with defined qualifications. In order to raise a child in the faith one must be of the faith. Both godparents must be practicing Catholics in good standing with the Church. This means they must have received their sacraments of initiation, be regularly attending Sunday mass, and receive the Sacrament of reconciliation at least once a year. It’s only strictly necessary for one godparent to be assigned in order for a child to be baptized in the Catholic Church. In the event that a godmother and godfather can’t be found a member of another christian denomination may participate as a christian witness. However, again, this is for the good of the child and thus, a christian witness should only be considered after exhausting all other options and not as a means of honoring a non-Catholic friend or family member. Additionally, in acknowledgement of the complementary nature of men and women, a child may have only one godfather and one godmother. These will each fulfill a critical and unique role should you and your spouse be indisposed.
However, godparents are not only called upon to act in the event of tragedy. There are countless little ways godparents can support a child in their faith after baptism. First and foremost, they can and should pray for their godchild. They can also call or send a gift every year on the anniversary of the baptism. In many ways, this day is far more significant than a birthday and ought to be celebrated as such. Children’s books telling the story of the nativity, a first bible or a first rosary are all excellent gift ideas for any occasion but especially on a child’s baptism day.
Ultimately, a godparent should put forth some effort to be an active participant and role model in the lives of their godchildren. Love these little ones and pray for them as often as possible. How easy it is to slip into habits which turn us away from God in this secular society. As such, every child ought to be able to count on an army of prayer warriors to guide them. There is truly no limit to the power of prayer.
God is infinitely good. One of the many blessings He grants us is the opportunity to relearn all those little lessons we have a tendency to forget. He never stops loving us and gives us every chance to do better. This summer He gifted me such an opportunity. Some readers may remember my bad day many months ago in A Lesson in Humility. However, I was granted yet another vanity check recently regarding our daughter’s baptism.
Last year my husband and I had the pleasure and honor of attending our niece’s baptism in Colorado as her godparents. It was a beautiful ceremony hosted at St. John Vianney Theological Seminary which I describe in detail in Baptized on Holy Ground. This was a full baptism mass which was celebrated by a priest who is a long time family friend and the man who ushered my sister and brother-in-law through RCIA. In short, it was an incredibly beautiful and reverent celebration of this brand new baby girl as she entered into a new life in Christ. Even then, before there were any children of our own to speak of, I knew that this was how I wanted to welcome them into the Church.
One year later, this was the goal as we planned another baptism mass for our own daughter. However, due to a slight mixup, the presiding priest only had faculties to do the baptism and was unable to celebrate a full mass for the occasion. Upon learning this I was crushed. I couldn’t shake the feeling that this condensed ceremony would have the appearance of a drive-by baptism, as if we were just checking a box for our daughter. Receiving any sacrament should be a grand and joyous affair, especially the first, and arguably most significant one.
My husband and my dad both reminded me it’s the sacrament that ultimately counts. The church, the guests, mass or no mass are all secondary details so long as the sacrament is valid. At the end of the day our baby would be baptized and that’s what matters. Of course, this is all true but did little to comfort me until I spoke with my mom who had originally been similarly disgruntled about the change of plans. “What a beautiful gift it is,” she said, to bring this little girl into the Church through a simple, humble ceremony. We get to remember Christ’s humble beginnings as we welcome this sweet baby.
It wasn’t quite so grand as I had originally intended but it was no less joyous. Many of our friends and family joined us for the private baptism, including four priests. There was no shortage of love for this baby girl and the gift of baptism was no less profound. As is frequently the case, my mom was right. It was beautiful and this Catholic momma learned a little humility.
Over the last year my husband and I have taken on the responsibility of our parish marriage prep program and have thus gotten into the habit of discussing some of the less glamorous aspects of sacramental true love. One of these which I think many couples tend to shy away from is the subject of money. As Catholics we understand that money does not buy happiness or salvation but personal finances are a topic that should be broached before going to the altar to say I do. Surprising your brand new spouse with your crushing student debt or an uncontrolled spending habit will not endear you to them. Total honesty is a virtue which ought to be embraced by both parties from the start of your courtship. My husband and I even went so far as to show each other our bank accounts a few months into our relationship. I had just bought a house, greatly depleting my savings. This wasn’t news I wanted to spring on him later.
However, in addition to full honesty with your future spouse, I believe in many cases, a much more tangible level of sharing ought to be considered. Although I can name happily married couples in my life for whom separate bank accounts are appropriate, I don’t believe that these are the norm or should be. Unfortunately, many modern couples choose this approach. Separate finances in a marriage should be avoided for the same reason that the Church condemns contraceptives. You are telling your spouse that “you can have all of me… almost.” It’s a ‘mine’ rather than an ‘ours’ mentality which is all too prevalent in society. It maintains an avenue for dispute and impermanence in the marriage which is outright uncatholic. In a truly sacramental marriage there should be no thought for a contingency plan if the relationship goes south. Giving yourselves a financial out “just in case” comes with the built in temptation to take it. Though the romance may remain fresh and strong for years after the wedding there will undoubtedly come a time when your marriage will be tested. It’s on those days when you need to be 100% committed to your spouse. Leaving should never be an option.
Shared finances also come with the bonus of bringing you closer in your marriage. All major purchases and investments become joint decisions which require you to reach terms that are acceptable to both parties. This attitude of compromise will ripple into all other aspects of your marriage if practiced enough, thus strengthening the trust between you and your spouse. When everything goes into the same pot there’s no need to debate who makes more money and who should pay the bills. There’s no attitude of competition regarding who can bring home the most bacon. You’re in it together. Any income becomes ‘our’ income and any expense is shouldered by ‘us.’ In a world of fleeting success and fleeting romance it may seem daunting to join your finances to someone else, right down to your very last penny. However, if you are truly, sacramentally married to the person, there are few reasons not to. There is no limit to the trust between a man and woman united in holy matrimony.
This is not a parenting blog but in light of recent events I’m struggling to think of anything else. Of the many lessons I’ve learned over the last weeks as a first time parent chief among them is how to operate one handed. To many this may seem like a tremendous handicap, always having one hand occupied with the rocking and soothing of a delightful though frequently fussy newborn. However, I see it as a superpower.
It’s true that many things have temporarily gone by the wayside; things like cooking, cleaning and even blogging on the regular. My new superpower has granted me a hyper focus on my current number one job, caring for my baby. All else is a trivial second. Thankfully this single mindedness is made possible by a rockstar husband who has made it his mission to take care of everything else. All the while I have the supreme joy of staring into my daughter’s sweet little face at all hours of the day, no matter what that face is doing. Even when she cries I can’t help being overwhelmed with love for this little girl every time I look at her. I’ve also discovered just how much one can accomplish with one hand. Full disclosure, it’s not much but a little task here and there like emptying the dishwasher or flipping the laundry feels like a huge win. At the very least, it’s one less thing on the hubby’s docket.
I’m praying for the day when our daughter is big enough for her baby carrier, thus restoring mommy to two handed status. For now though, I’m savoring the blessings of only having one.
I was once asked in a discussion about marriage how I knew my husband was the one. By modern standards our courtship was the brief, whirlwind kind. After knowing me for only four months he asked my parents for their blessing to marry me. It took another two months for the ring to come in and he got down on one knee as soon as it did. Our official engagement lasted a short six months and we were wed almost exactly one year to the day that we met in person for the first time. To rational people, this timeline might seem crazy or, at the very least, a bit rushed. How can you possibly know after four months that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? However, I can truly say that it was the easiest decision I’ve ever made.
I’ve written on this subject before in Dating to Courtship: Romance with Intention but I think the secret to our seemingly fairytale romance is that we never actually dated. From day one, we were vetting each other for marriage. The goal of our relationship was never simply to have fun though that was a huge bonus to our courtship. Pleasure and happiness were never the main objectives for either of us. Since that very first date to Pentecost mass it was obvious that this man wanted my soul to go to heaven and would actively work toward that end. There hasn’t been a second since that day that I doubted this key fact.
After this realization, “boyfriend” always felt much too inadequate a title. I never grew accustomed to it because, in truth, he could only really be described as a besotted suitor. It was a relief to graduate to the term “fiance.” On our third date we were discussing our marriage goals and not long after that I casually mentioned the story of my brother-in-law asking for my parents’ blessing to marry my sister. Call me old fashioned but it’s a tradition I value and the hubby took the hint at the time. The second time he ever met my parents he bravely initiated the “I’d love to marry your daughter” chat. They’d had a little heads up from me that this might be coming and were only too happy to grant their blessing. The hubby surprised me with ring shopping not long after.
Over the course of our three years together (two as man and wife) he’s never ceased to woo and spoil me and he’s never tired of what I know he considers his sacred duty to see my soul enter the kingdom of heaven. Each and every step of our journey together has been guided by that holy purpose. It was a very simple roadmap to follow and we both were totally dedicated to it. That’s not to say that we’ve been perfect people throughout the entirety of our relationship. Feelings and passions ran extremely high during our courtship, engagement and even still today in our marriage but we helped each other in those moments. We were and are helplessly, head over heels, weak at the knees, madly in love with each other but we checked each other when needed, taking great care never to get too carried away during those early months.
This was a kind of devotion I didn’t know existed before I met him. After encountering it, I knew that no one else would ever do. I could have spent the rest of my life searching for another man who would love me that much, right down to my very soul. Thus, I didn’t just want to marry this man. I had to or else resign myself to the reality that no one else would ever care for me so well. I still wonder sometimes how I could possibly deserve him but perhaps that’s the point. God didn’t send me this wonderful man because I deserve him. Perhaps He did it because I’ll spend the rest of my life doing whatever it takes to be a worthy partner. A life spent following and serving a godly man in the holy sacrament of matrimony is itself a godly life.
They say you should stay busy in your third trimester of pregnancy. Make plans, go out, take walks, tackle some gentle home improvement projects, anything to distract you from glancing at the calendar every five minutes in anticipation of your imminent labor and the birth of your baby. While this is all perfectly sound advice which I’ve worked to take to heart I can also attest to the fact that none of it actually works. Certainly a little continued hustle and bustle is the perfect way to keep you energized and your spirits up as you approach childbirth. However, if you’re anything like me, nothing on the planet will possibly be able to distract you from the tiny life beginning in your womb.
Due to a blessedly uncomplicated pregnancy and an engineering job I’ve maintained a full time, in person work schedule with occasional days worked from home to accommodate prenatal appointments. I’ve also continued to run a couple of church ministries at our local parish for the duration of this pregnancy. Our schedule has been every bit as crammed with activity as we could manage. At no point have I considered myself sufficiently distracted from daydreams of maternity leave when I will simply be home with our brand new baby girl.
I’ve been blessed with a happy, healthy and generally easy pregnancy but no amount of activity can take my mind off of everything that comes next. I’m overflowing with excitement for all the joys and woes that parenthood brings. I’ve even been known to partake in the occasional spontaneous happy dance while at work alone in my office with the door closed. Thankfully I believe these have largely gone unnoticed by my coworkers. There simply is no preoccupying the mommy brain during the third trimester.
The Catholic Church is chock full of traditions which point its members toward God and holy living. Many of these traditions have experienced the ebb and flow of popularity over time. However, rare though they may be, they remain with us as tools to supplement the teachings of the Church. There seems to be a common misunderstanding among practicing Catholics, laity and clergy alike, that because practices such as veiling for women, attending traditional latin mass, or kneeling to receive communion are so rare in society that they have somehow been deemed verboten or at the very least things to be frowned upon. In truth, there is nothing liturgically incorrect about any of these habits. The societal insistence on denying them can be incredibly damaging to the evangelization of our upcoming generations as young Catholics are currently the ones flocking back to these more traditional methods of worship. Thus, today I would like to set the record straight about all three.
Veiling – I’ve received my share of funny looks when attending mass on account of my veil though, thankfully that has been the extent of my negative experience there. However, I know some of the ladies in my life have not been so lucky. Their decision to veil before the blessed sacrament has been called “ostentatious” by officials of the Church or else they were interrogated in somewhat less than civil tones over their reasons for veiling. Many priests today seem unable to fathom why any woman would choose to cover her head when approaching Christ in the sacraments.
The chief reason can be found in the question itself. As Catholics we believe that Christ is truly present in the sacraments, whether that be in the real body and blood of the Eucharist or as the person of Christ present as a priest administers confession. Our veils are not a means of showing off in church by flaunting our superior holiness as some seem to think. Rather, veiling is traditionally a practice which directs attention away from the beautiful women in the pews and instead puts the emphasis on Christ. Much like bowing before the altar, it is also a sign of deference to our Lord as well as a beautiful imitation of the Blessed Virgin Mary. I’ve discussed these and more reasons to veil in my post Why I Veil in Church but suffice to say that it’s hardly ostentatious for a woman to make this choice. It can more accurately be described as a feminine devotion to modesty.
Traditional Latin Mass – I first started attending latin mass before it became a common subject of debate among Catholic circles. I knew almost nothing about this kind of mass except that, in my experience, it had been incredibly beautiful, a reverent and genuine reenactment of Christ’s sacrifice. As I recently wrote about in Love Letter to the Latin Mass, every minute detail of this mass was gorgeously and thoughtfully orchestrated to point to our Lord. Once back at my home parish I briefly mentioned my experience to a few of my church friends. The response was a curt “that’s nice” before all three of them quite literally walked away from me. I was nonplussed. Still a baby Catholic and very recently converted at the time I couldn’t understand how something so beautiful could be deemed so taboo that it couldn’t even be discussed in narthex small talk. Novos ordo masses are of course perfectly valid and are often reverent and beautiful in their own right and I look forward to any opportunity to receive Christ. However, it was the beauty of traditions like the latin mass which ultimately ignited my faith.
Kneeling to receive on the Tongue – This practice has been the subject of controversy for two reasons. First, we are a society of efficiency and no one wants to hold up a line which is precisely how many view the decision to kneel. It’s true that kneeling does require a few extra seconds but this is one line which we ought never to rush. Receiving the true body of Christ in the Eucharist is not a chore. It’s not a box to be checked before heading off to the next errand. It is a necessity for the eternal salvation of our souls and one of the greatest blessings He ever gave us. To kneel is to show deference to His sacrifice which comes with the added bonus of being a much easier position from which to receive on the tongue. This brings us to the second objection many people have to this practice.
Particularly in our post COVID world, people are on high alert for germs. I’ve received some irritated frowns from extraordinary ministers and have even been scolded to “stick my tongue out farther” by a priest or two. In all honesty, there is no reason that the minister’s fingers need ever come into contact with anyone’s tongue though slip ups can occur. The fact is, this is the proper way that we Catholics should receive the Eucharist. Just as extraordinary ministers are to distribute communion in extraordinary circumstances (speeding up a long communion line is hardly extraordinary though has become commonplace), so should the practice of receiving on the hand be utilized. Receiving on the tongue is a safeguard for our own souls and for the preservation of the sacred Eucharist.
Traditionally, the priest was the sole distributor of communion for a very specific reason. His hands have been consecrated. His hands alone are clean and worthy to carry Christ during mass. Even the deacon’s hands have not been similarly blessed, much less those of the general laity. How could we possibly presume to hold God in our hands? By receiving on the tongue we avoid this dilemma. We also better ensure that each host is fully consumed then and there and not subjected to any further desecration or nefarious purpose, intentional or otherwise, when the assembly returns to the pews.
It’s little wonder that the Church is currently struggling to maintain young parishioners when proper practice and time-honored traditions are scoffed at. We believe that Christ is truly present in the sacraments, but we often fail to live as if that were true. Christ is our Lord, our God, our King. It’s high time we acted like it.
Blessed in the Midwest 