The Best Thing I’ll Ever Do

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Photo by Pixabay

With the due date for our baby girl fast approaching everyone wants to know how I’m feeling. All the mommies in my life are excited to commiserate on all the aches and pains of third trimester pregnancy, the itchy stretch marks, the ill fitting clothes, the inability to sleep comfortably and of course the sad realization of one’s newly increased girth. I know countless women have faced these and many more discomforts during pregnancy and I don’t diminish them in the slightest. However, on the whole, I’ve been blessed with a very easy pregnancy. There were a couple of sleepless nights and I certainly haven’t been immune to feeling a bit bloated on occasion but in general I’ve felt remarkably well throughout this experience.

After a necessary closet reset I’ve found that I’m still perfectly able to move, get outdoors and do most of the things I enjoy. Evening strolls around the neighborhood are a welcome means of clearing my head, breathing in some fresh air and getting the blood flowing. I’ve also been able to savor all of my favorite foods, maintaining healthy eating habits, with only slight adjustments to frequency and portion sizes. I have thankfully not been afflicted with unexpected and nauseating aversions to anything in particular. When people ask me how I’m feeling I can honestly say that I feel great!

I am totally overjoyed to be pregnant. Even the occasional jolt from a baby kick to the bladder makes me smile. She is constantly on the move, wiggling into more comfortable positions in my belly. She’s especially active when we go to mass or whenever we pray our daily rosary, as if she already knows that those prayers are for her. Those tiny kicks and flutters are welcome reminders of the beautiful life beginning inside me. We’ve also found that she responds to the sound of daddy’s voice and my husband has already begun the practice of bedtime stories for the little one.

We are both over the moon to soon be able to meet this baby girl. I can’t wait to hold my daughter, to soothe her with lullabies and cowboy songs as my parents did for me, to rock her to sleep at night and love her in every way a mother possibly can. Even the dirty diapers and traumatic bath times seem a welcome gift as I think about what the next years of our lives will bring. I truly can’t wait for every messy and exhausting detail of motherhood. It certainly will not always be easy or pleasant but there isn’t the faintest doubt in my mind that this is the very best thing I will ever do. 

Marriage Advice from Seasoned Veterans

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During a fun bridal shower game a couple of years ago our friends and family were asked to write down some of their tips and tricks for a long and happy marriage. We enjoyed reading these and have taken the advice to heart. Here are some time tested methods for maintaining love, compassion and romance from the experts in my life. 

  • Always stay best friends.
  • Take time for date night (at least monthly). No matter how busy life gets with work, kids, etc. always make time for the two of you. 
  • Never go to sleep angry. Hugs and kisses and prayers at bedtime only. 
  • Watch your wedding video often (or peruse the wedding photo album).
  • Hold hands when you walk.
  • Laugh together every day. 
  • Sometimes there isn’t enough time for both of you in one day. Listen and support each other even if it means putting your own worries on hold. 
  • Always go on adventures.
  • Always remember why you fell in love and always make positive comments to each other.
  • Happy spouse, happy house. 
  • “It takes three to get married.” – Bishop Fulton Sheen. With God at the center and a little help from the Blessed Mother, you will be great.
  • Pray together and stay together.
  • Always be kind to each other. 
  • Keep the lines of communication open at all times. Never assume anything. The one time you do will be the last.
  • Be best friends with Mary and St. Joseph. 
  • Talk with each other. Tell one another you love each other.

I’ve mentioned this before but I believe that kindness to a spouse often goes undervalued in society today. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together or how well you might feel you know the person. Maintaining good manners and compassion for the people closest to you is a necessary endeavor in any relationship, especially between man and wife. Over the course of our two short years of marriage my husband and I have both made adjustments to how we communicate and are constantly working to maintain civil and compassionate communication with each other, even in those rare instances when we disagree. 

However, even in our worst moments, I still am overwhelmed by this amazing gift of marriage that God has blessed me with. Not only am I married to a good man. I am sacramentally bonded to one I am deeply and totally in love with. In addition to trusting my husband completely, I also still regularly find myself a little weak at the knees when he walks in the door from work. My life has become infinitely better since he came into it. 

Love Letter to Latin Mass

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The first traditional latin mass I ever attended was hosted on a first Friday in a small church which was 45 minutes away from my home parish through heavy traffic. Truth be told, I likely wouldn’t have attended had it not been for my husband. We were newly courting at the time and treated it as a date night. I had heard almost nothing about latin mass up to that point and was very curious to see how it compared to the more widely celebrated novos ordo mass. Since then I’ve struggled to write about the experience as I’ve often felt I lacked the proper vocabulary to describe it. However, on a recent visit from Colorado I think my dad said it perfectly. “It was the most beautiful mass I’ve ever been to.”

Everything about this mass pointed to Christ. The angelic choir and organ raised all chants, hymns and mass parts to the heavens while an army of altar boys attended the priest as he celebrated the sacrifice of the mass. His vestments were always gorgeously embroidered with gold and brightly colored threads depicting scenes of the Sacred Heart or the Blessed Mother and were complete with maniple and biretta. Nearly every woman in the little church was veiling, often trailed by husbands and a flock of small children, all dressed to the nines to participate in this holy mass. 

My first few times attending latin mass I made no effort to follow along. I simply sat in stunned awe of it all, taking my cues for kneeling and prayer responses from my fellow lay people. Every knee in the church bent during the entrance procession as the cross bearer passed and heads bowed reverently toward the priest as he followed Christ to the altar. I later learned that this first Friday mass was a high mass. With the exception of the silent prayers at the altar said by the priest, the gospel reading and the homily, all mass parts were sung by the talented choir. Also apart from the gospel and homily, the priest’s back was always resolutely toward the assembly as he went about his holy work. Throughout the mass he lovingly kissed the altar and during the consecration he completely enshrouded it in incense. The air was a thick, sweet smelling haze as the assembly knelt. All in attendance also knelt at the communion rail to receive on the tongue (a first for me though it is now the only way I choose to receive). 

Though this mass was breathtaking, it was obviously not a show put on for the benefit of the assembly. There were no theatrics or flashy guitar solos. All in attendance were there for one common purpose, to receive Christ. Each and every minute and reverently performed detail of the mass was indicative only of the goodness of Christ and His sacrifice for us. To this day I count the traditional latin mass as the most reverent, most beautiful, and most unifying mass I’ve ever attended. Even though it’s hardly convenient for us to get to every month, we dutifully and happily clear our schedules every first Friday evening.

Picnic at the Lake

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Many people dream of vacations to white sandy beaches, being lulled into comfortable drowsiness by a symphony of seagulls and waves lapping on the shore. While these warm lazy afternoons certainly have their place, this is the lake that I long for. Growing up in the mountains, we didn’t have many sandy beaches but God blessed us with countless family adventures like this one.

Marriage Etiquette: It’s Not 50/50

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Photo by Luisa Fernanda Bayona

In my opinion, one of the most common relationship mistakes being made today is the assumption that love, romance and marriage are an equal give and take. How neat and tidy and fair it is to assume that for every effort you make in your marriage there will be a perfectly equal reciprocation. Although I’m still quite new to married life, going on two years as man and wife, that simply hasn’t been my experience. 

My husband and I are different people with varying schedules, moods and needs. Nevertheless, we don’t waste our days keeping score of who’s turn it is to be good to the other. If we did I would certainly come up short far more often. I’m so blessed to have married an incredibly kind, capable and self-sacrificing man who is constantly looking for ways to make my life more pleasant. Everything from planning a date night to replacing the toilet paper in the bathroom is fair game in his eyes. After a series of romantic disappointments and a couple of years living entirely on my own I was more than a little unaccustomed to these habits and have spent the first years of our marriage trying my best to imitate the wonderful man I married. I strive to never miss an opportunity to say “thank you” even when he does something as mundane as wash the dishes. Amid a far more taxing work schedule than mine, he’s still on the lookout for ways to be helpful when he comes home. 

It’s so easy to get stuck in the pointless game of who’s got it worse when interacting with a spouse. The reality is that both parties should seek to give 110% always, even when that doesn’t amount to all that much. No matter what sort of day we’ve had, kindness toward a spouse is never a mistake. There may come days, months or even years when it feels like we’re pouring more of ourselves out than we get in return but that’s life. That’s marriage. Of course there will be battles and hard times for you and your spouse. You will both fall short time and again as we all do but no matter what happens, that person will be with you through it all.

Marriage is not about winning and losing. It’s not about repaying favors and debts. Marriage was designed by God as the most perfect and intimate connection between a man and a woman. We can simply look at our unique and complementary biology to prove this fact. We were literally made for each other and, as God intended it, marriage is about getting your spouse into heaven.

Husbands to Fathers

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In a friendly conversation recently while discussing plans for family visits and other logistics surrounding the birth of our baby girl I mentioned that I’d have to chat about some of these thoughts with my husband. I was a bit taken aback by the response which came in the form of an emphatic “Why?!” In fairness to the other person, the conversation included the birth itself which certainly is and ought to be chiefly in accordance with the wishes of the mother. The act of birthing a child is a physically and spiritually all consuming effort which, in many ways, affords women a singular glimpse into the sacrificial love of Christ on the cross. When it comes to birth, the woman should have the final say. 

Nevertheless, I still came away from the conversation feeling a bit indignant on behalf of the wonderful man I married. The shock and my perceived audacity to consult my husband and bring him into this decision making process took me by surprise. Even among devoutly Catholic circles there is still so much resistance to the submission of wives to their husbands. The fact is that most of my decisions are jointly made with the man I married, even down to our weekly dinner menu. I would not have subjected myself to lifelong holy matrimony to a man I did not respect or whose opinion I did not value. 

When we talk about the birth of our baby I maintain ultimate veto power and he’s more than happy to defer to me on the subject but I still care what he thinks. He is the person who will be there with me, holding my hand through it all. I am so blessed to have found a man who will not be content to sit in the waiting room, but one who will clear his schedule to be present for every moment of our daughter’s life, even those painful and messy first ones. Of course I want to know his thoughts. 

I firmly believe that childbirth is the ultimate feminine super power but even the holy family was not made up of mother and son alone. Just as Joseph was lovingly present for Mary at the nativity of Christ, so will my husband be for the birth of our little girl. I think it’s a terrible disservice we do to men to write them out of the birthing process altogether. It’s true that in some ways they can only be spectators, observing the spiritual bond between mother and child as their wives give themselves over entirely, mind, body and soul, to the good of the child. This is a time of utter vulnerability for mother and baby and I thank God that I will not be facing it alone. 

I believe that a loving, present, supportive husband is critical to the process of carrying and birthing a child and well beyond that. This is also the process in which husbands become fathers. Though not quite so physically demanding as the job of the mother at this juncture, it is no less necessary. He is the rock which she will lean on throughout the process and the protector to which she will entrust their child. Nothing gives me greater confidence as I approach childbirth as my total trust in the man I married. No matter what happens he will be there, ready to defend my and our baby’s interests if necessary and prepared to do whatever is needed to assist the process.

Buds of Grace and Mercy

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Just as the first buds of spring peek into view and the cold weather daffodils pop out of the ground in festive, bright anticipation of warmer days, we Catholics also prepare to celebrate Divine Mercy Sunday. This will be the conclusion of the octave of Easter when we pray in thanksgiving for God’s infinite mercy in our lives. This is a day when Catholics are especially encouraged to receive the sacraments of Reconciliation and Holy Eucharist as means of acquiring special graces associated with this last Sunday of the Easter octave. I pray everyone is able to receive the sacraments this weekend.