Though this Lenten season has been packed with additional prayer and activity, I never miss an opportunity to sit in silent adoration at one of our parish Lenten Vespers services. Christ truly present in the Eucharist is gloriously exposed in a gold monstrance on the altar, the massive sanctuary lit by dozens of flickering candles. It was during one of these services this year that I had a wonderful epiphany. I had arrived to Vespers a bit frazzled that evening, having practically run straight from work to the Lent soup dinner to serve fellow parishioners for a simple shared meal. However, sitting in that darkened church and beholding the blessed sacrament, I was overcome with intense joy and was incredibly humbled to participate in all these things. I was shocked at the charity of my fellow parishioners at the soup dinner and could think of no greater blessing than to be able to quietly witness Christ that evening on the altar.
Every hiker knows to keep an eye out for rock cairns along particularly rugged trails. The little mounds of stone serve as markers indicating the correct path to take when the trail is difficult to see. Growing up I always treated this as a most delightful scavenger hunt, trying to find all of them before we reached our destination. Life is very similar. If we allow ourselves to get stuck trudging along with our eyes to the ground for too long, we’ll often miss the signs God sends us along the way. If we look up every now and then we’ll find that He’s already sent us all the signs we need.
When speaking of motherhood I think many women are quick to share their tale of terrible woe, of sleepless nights and constant worries and the difficulties of keeping baby fed and diapers changed. The laborious process of carrying and birthing the child is often another source of juicy hardship to share. While these are all perfectly valid experiences and ones I will undoubtedly encounter myself, I think the joys of motherhood can get lost in the excitement. I feel incredibly blessed to find myself pregnant for the very first time surrounded by mothers who are overjoyed to help celebrate this amazing and miraculous gift of God’s creation.
My baby is not a hindrance to the peace and joy to be found in our home but rather an immense source of it. During phone calls with my family, everyone wants to know how I’m feeling and if I’ve felt baby kick yet. I’m happy to report that yes, our baby girl is already asserting her presence in our lives by frequently stretching her tiny legs.
During this beautiful season of life our world has taken on a kaleidoscope of new colors and shades. My days of calm, stoic movie watching are coming to a watery end. My husband showed me Radio and The Guardian for the first time recently, both enthralling stories which I highly recommend and each had me weeping in turn. We’ve also learned to work around the new and improved space cadet mommy brain which led me to forget my entire purse at a friend’s house and has frequently been the cause of missing necessities from the grocery list. Blessedly my husband is the understanding and forgiving type. Even so, it’s impossible for him to stay annoyed for too long as my hiccups inexplicably became 15 times cuter with pregnancy.
Amid all of these inner changes we are also working to prepare our home for baby. The first critical step was a closet reset in which I switched out my usual outfits to make room for some necessary stretch wear. I firmly believe that fashion doesn’t have to go out the window when women become mothers, while pregnant or otherwise. However, there comes a point when the old jeans simply won’t button. I excitedly told the hubby the day this happened to me. We’re also in full baby prep mode, making the gift registry, planning the shower and rearranging our guest rooms to accommodate a nursery.
All the while, I’m constantly grabbing my husband’s hand every time I feel a kick, trying to get daddy in on the full experience. Every single day we are both falling more in love with this tiny human which, by God’s grace, we were able to create together. Praise God!
Often in life it’s easy to get caught up in the tedious day-to-day tasks and forget to praise God all together. Even when we’re surrounded by His blessings we have trouble seeing them. Sometimes all we have to do is stop and smell the flowers.
Sometimes it’s only when we’re standing on the edge of the world and looking out that we glean a bit of perspective. God in His infinite goodness, who created all this, also knew that the world needed one of you.
Blessed in the Midwest 