Catholic

The Perfect Forgiver

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Catholics walk a fine line in our daily lives, in constant tension. We are acutely aware of the weight of our sins and the price they incurred in the death of God’s only begotten Son on the cross. We also live in perpetual hope and jubilation at the knowledge of God’s divine love and mercy. How easy it is to err on either side of that line. 

In my own circle, many of the best, holiest people I know seem to labor under the delusion that their personal sins are insurmountable. I am frequently inspired by the goodness and righteous zeal of the people in my family and community. Yet, they talk about themselves as if they are worthless and utterly undeserving of forgiveness. Even after running to confession, many Catholics go through life speaking and acting as if they cannot possibly hope to merit God’s mercy. With the exception of Mary, we are all undeserving. However, in my experience, God doesn’t give us things because we deserve them. I’m still trying to figure out how to be someone who deserves the amazing man I married and the sweet little girl we created together. As far as I can tell, I’m not even close. Happily, in addition to being perfectly just, God is also perfectly merciful. After confession on one divine mercy Sunday I was reduced nearly to tears at the realization of this ultimate love and compassion He has for us. He is the perfect forgiver. Though I have done wretched and regrettable things in my life, none of them are greater than His flawless mercy for each and every one of us. 

Of course, not everyone will be saved. Society has dumbed down many of the Church’s teachings to the point that Christ is often treated as a supernatural wingman; someone to pal around with every Sunday and who will always get you out of a tight spot. Though it may occasionally be comforting to assume that we’re all generally good people who are all in God’s good graces, the reality is that this line of thinking is itself sinful. God is not a lucky charm or a genie in a bottle. To bounce through life presuming on God’s forgiveness is to forget the horror, pain and enormity of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. His agony and death gifted us a path to salvation, but we are still called to actively choose that path.

Only the sincerely repentant sinner can hope to achieve salvation and therefore, the sincerely repentant sinner should hope for salvation. To aim any lower than sainthood is to deny oneself the full benefit and blessing of God’s ultimate gift for us, sent to us through His Son.

Becoming a Crunchy Mom

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Photo by Suzy Hazelwood

Have you ever been out to eat and seen an infant propped in front of an ipad while the adults chat, blank eyes reflecting the blue light of the screen, mouth agape, totally dead to the world, their trance rendering them completely mute and ignorable? It’s a scene which is far too normal in society today and one that breaks my heart every time. While I’m certainly not the crunchiest of mothers, my husband and I have begun to embrace some old school parenting with our daughter. I don’t make my own clothes (with the exception of some very minor dabblings with knitting) and I haven’t yet hit my canning phase apart from the occasional daydream. 

At this point my husband and I are simply committed to limiting technology for our baby girl. For instance, we don’t let her play with our phones which means we also try to be off of them as much as possible while we’re around her. She takes interest in whatever mommy and daddy are holding so we are trying not to have them in hand too often. Perhaps this is unnecessarily strict but when my husband and I first began talking about starting a family we agreed that we did not want a nanny. That includes the screen nanny. We don’t believe that there is ever a scenario in which kids need to be quiet at all costs. Certainly they need to learn to behave in public but that doesn’t mean they need to stop being their naturally active, playful, chatterbox selves. Baby babble or even the occasional tantrum may be off putting to other business patrons when out around town. In my opinion however, this is still no justification for shutting them up with a screen.

In addition to minimal screen time we are also being very intentional about the toys our daughter is surrounded by, limiting the electronic gadgets in favor of simple mechanical toys. We hope this will help to encourage good, old-fashioned, imaginative play. Too often I think kids simply learn how to punch buttons and engage in perpetual ‘Simon Says’ with an endless stream of flashing, beeping gizmos. I believe kids should instead discover how to make their own fun. In this spirit, we also do daily story time and get outside whenever possible to take full advantage of the ever entertaining great outdoors. I know that my husband and I have been blessed with a very good and happy baby and many parents are not so lucky. These goals may seem impossible or at least ambitious but my husband and I are both immensely grateful to our own parents for filling our childhoods with knee-scuffing adventures. We pray we can impart the same to our children.  

Afternoon Tea

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We have officially been back in ordinary time for a number of weeks. The Christmas season has come and gone and with it the mountain of sugary treats on our kitchen table. The hubby and I thoroughly enjoyed celebrating the nativity of Christ with an assortment of cookies, chocolates and other holiday goodies.

However, as we move through the liturgical calendar our hearts and belts are happy to check our sugar intake. We hope this will aid us in maintaining healthy habits as well as guide us to a deeper understanding of Christ through intentional and liturgical living. Therefore, during ordinary time we have resolved to live ordinarily, forgoing desserts and sweets except for feast days or special occasions with friends or family. This also means no afternoon hot cocoa for wifey on chilly winter days. I instead warm myself with a steaming cup of tea in a delightfully hobbit-like fashion. I’m traditionally a coffee drinker and while this is no replacement for that welcome morning beverage I’ve come to look forward to afternoon tea time.

My husband and I have already found our sugar cravings greatly diminished just in these first weeks. Undoubtedly we will be tempted at times to bend our new healthy habits, particularly as we look toward Lent when we will be instituting additional offerings. However, I’m happy to report that afternoon tea has become a welcome treat in its own right.  

Baby Hands

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My mom and I have recently embarked on a spiritual journey together. It is currently day eight of Fiat90. These 90 days leading up to Easter are a beautiful meditation and Marian devotion, one I had never heard of until a couple weeks ago when my own mother suggested we try it. Included in this devotion are various forms of fasting, heightened prayer and daily scripture readings. 

My very first day of Fiat90 began as a less than average one. Since the birth of our daughter, I have struggled intermittently with nursing, becoming painfully sore at times. With her first two teeth poking through the gums, this was one of those times. She’s also had some slight sleep regression lately, likely due to her teething discomfort and on top of these mommy troubles, our kitchen sink backed up the evening before Fiat90 was to begin. This made it impossible to do the dinner dishes piled high on the kitchen counter. I was dragging a bit when I sat down to do my Fiat90 readings for the first time. Baby girl decided this was the perfect opportunity to enjoy the mommy jungle gym and kept climbing over my lap, not at all pleased that my attention was temporarily diverted. This was as adorable as it was distracting.

However, when I reached the rosary portion of the prayers, her energy changed completely. She stilled, no longer pulling at my shirt and dragging herself across my knees. She became totally enthralled with my St. Anthony rosary as I worked the beads through my fingers. She was perfectly content to hold the other end gently in her tiny hands as I recited each prayer, seeming to understand that this sacramental was not a chew toy like nearly everything else she touches these days. All my cares from that day and the previous evening fell away as I watched my daughter calmly examine the rosary, exploring it with soft, delicate baby fingers.

Sleep Training

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After weeks of easy nap times in the crib, a few difficult days can zap mommy’s productivity. How easy it is to flit about the house accomplishing this and that while baby girl snores gently in her room. It’s on the bad days when she cries herself to sleep that I find it nearly impossible to tear my eyes away from the baby monitor. The mommy guilt is ever present as she wails alone. 

Thankfully these are rare occurrences as the hubby and I have been blessed with a very good sleeper. We are determined to keep it that way and thus have resolved to train her to take naps in the crib. Of course, the schedule gets thrown off occasionally with appointments and errands throughout the day. Resetting back into the usual rhythm can take a few more days but blessedly, this little girl loves her naps and is generally happy to take her beauty sleep. 

Peace Be With You

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Photo by Irina Anastasiu

The holy season of Advent has begun once again! Amid the secular hustle and bustle of holiday decorating and shopping this should also be a time of spiritual reflection and prayer. Thanks to a rockstar hubby and our parish annual Advent Vespers series, this new mommy was able to participate in both. While my husband put the little one to bed I headed to church for evening prayer. 

I hadn’t realized how truly full and busy our days had become until I sat silently in that candlelit sanctuary. This is by no means a complaint. Our daughter has filled our lives with more joy than we knew we were capable of and we continue to fall more in love with her every day. With her lighting up our world with adorable baby babble, there simply aren’t many moments to pause for quiet reflection. This was an opportunity for which I am immensely grateful to my husband. It was a blessed night out in which I was able to sit with Christ and pray for two of the people I love the very most without distraction. 

We expend so much time and energy maintaining our relationships with our loved ones. However, we often forget to love Christ in a similar fashion. These Vespers services are among my favorite events put on at our parish as their main purpose is to do just that. During that hour spent surrounded by fellow parishioners while lost in my own silent prayers I felt the presence of the holy spirit in the room. I felt a deeper connection with God than I have in months and was overwhelmed with a sense of peace. I pray everyone is able to grow in their relationship with Christ this season. 

Puzzling Through Advent

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In lieu of chocolate Advent calendars this year, my sister combined a beloved family tradition of ours with this season of preparation for the coming of Christ. Every year during Advent we break out a puzzle with the goal of completing it by Christmas. This year my sister gifted us a beautiful nativity puzzle specially designed for such a project.

NFP Pros and Cons

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Photo by Alexandro David

During our time running our parish marriage prep ministry we’ve met many dutiful and faithful Catholics approaching the Sacrament of holy matrimony. However, the majority of them are somewhat uninformed and unpracticed when it comes to Natural Family Planning (NFP). As Catholics we must always be open to life which means we avoid the use of birth control and contraceptives which deprive us of God’s gifts and blessings. This does not mean we are prohibited from making informed decisions about when to grow our families. This is where NFP comes in. There are a number of methods for tracking a woman’s natural menstrual cycle in order to determine times of high and low fertility. Equipped with this knowledge it is possible to choose when to invite new little ones into the world. While this can be a highly effective means of family planning it is not without its difficulties and so today I want to share some of the pros and cons of using NFP.

Pros

  • During those times when you are not actively looking to grow your family, NFP is as effective as any birth control at preventing unplanned pregnancies. One common misconception about NFP is that it is unscientific and imprecise. However, when properly adhered to, it’s an incredibly reliable means of planning and spacing pregnancies.
  • NFP is completely natural and free of the hormones and chemicals present in birth control used to artificially regulate a woman’s cycle and which can be harmful to her. Birth control can and often does come with a number of side effects including headaches, mood swings, decreased libido and even weight gain. It can also correlate with rare but more serious risks like blood clots, cancer and ectopic pregnancies. 
  • Practicing NFP can help to grow the trust and affection between you and your spouse. Whether you are trying to become pregnant or not, using NFP is a team effort. You and your spouse will be called to periods of abstinence during which you will have to find other ways of expressing your affection for one another beyond sexual intimacy. This might look like you both picking up extra little chores around the house or treating yourselves to a night out. 

Cons

  • Because NFP relies entirely on a woman’s menstrual cycle, it is most effective and easiest to practice when her cycle is regular. Through adherence to healthy diet, sleep and exercise a lady can naturally regulate her menstrual periods. However, for some women, this is simply not possible, whether due to demanding work schedules or the presence of small children in the home. Even something as mundane as a common cold can be enough to throw off her calendar. Long stretches of abstinence can put strain on your marriage. We Catholics believe that the sexual embrace is a renewing of a couple’s marital vows and a necessary part of holy matrimony, not just for the purpose of conceiving children. However, for those women who struggle with a regular cycle, there may be weeks or even months of abstinence when it will be necessary to find other ways to come together in your marriage. NFP often calls for heightened self discipline and support from your spouse. 

These are certainly not the only considerations when using NFP. Many people are unaware of the abortive aspect of hormonal birth control. Likewise, women often find they are much more confident in their knowledge of their own bodies when they start using NFP. Unfortunately, it is also true that using NFP requires constant commitment and sacrifice but on the whole, and from a Catholic perspective, the pros far outweigh the cons.

Inviting Mary In

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Check it out! The story of our Pilgrim Virgin was picked up by the Northwest Indiana Catholic. If you are in or near the Valparaiso area don’t hesitate to invite Mary into your home with this beautiful family devotion to the Blessed Virgin. It’s never too late.

https://dcgary.org/news/ambassadors-renew-pilgrim-virgin-statue-family-devotion

Christ in Our Home

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Over the years I’ve come across beautiful personal shrines to Christ and His Blessed Mother. Many are even complete with candles and kneelers, little nooks that have been transformed into places of family prayer. My mom created such a place in her home atop my parents’ old upright piano. At the time she did this I was still in high school and had yet to find my faith. However, I did have a passion for music and loved playing that very piano. 

Sadly, the rebellious teenage voice in my mind, small and quiet though it was, looked on this shrine as a kind of trespass upon my own place of worship. Of course, I hadn’t given much thought to exactly who or what I was worshiping but playing the piano was one of those things I liked to do to unwind and converting it into a mini Catholic shrine felt like an overstep. I never shared this with my mom but a tiny part of me resented how the piano was suddenly strung with rosaries and depictions of Christ. 

Thankfully, I have grown in my knowledge and faith since then. My teenage indignance has turned to spiritual envy and I now find myself imitating my mother. Nearly a decade later I have erected a very similar display in my own home. In our small house we have no piano or convenient nook but we have a bookshelf set in the middle of our family room. It is laden with our favorite stories including that of Christ on the cross.