Catholic

Spoiled Rotten

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We’ve all seen those families run by the smallest of the children, kids who haven’t yet heard the word no a sufficient number of times and who maintain a tyrannical rule of chaos over their frazzled parents. It’s tempting to shake our heads and the words spoiled rotten come to mind. However, rarely do we hear tales of it going the other way. 

God in infinite kindness blessed us with a tremendously good and happy baby. Over the last few months she has certainly spoiled mommy and daddy rotten. We have been lulled into a simple routine of long walks and easy bedtimes so that even the slightest resistance seems nightmarish in comparison. The hubby and I have grown so accustomed to having a happy baby that it’s shamefully easy to snap into panic and stress at the first sign of displeasure from her. In the thick of a drawn out, traumatic bedtime, how easy it is to forget the far more frequent moments of pure sunshine when she smiles or giggles or simply dozes peacefully in our arms. Thank you God for this wondrous, sweet little girl! 

Trusting His Plan

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One thing that has become abundantly clear to me during my short three years as a practicing Catholic is that God’s plan is infinitely better than ours. Every time something miraculous happens in my life which utterly upsets the status quo and shatters my expectations I am freshly reminded of God’s goodness. It happened when I moved to Indiana, it happened when I met my husband and it happened when we welcomed our daughter into the world. None of these events played out quite like I would have imagined. They were even better and I am forever changed because of them. 

The most recent pivotal event, the birth of our baby girl, ushered in an entirely new way of life which called for no small amount of deliberation with my husband as well as a renewed trust in God. After months of consideration and a thorough look at our finances I became a stay at home mom. For the first time in my life, my daily routine is not centered around a career. The engineering job which I’ve spent the majority of my life pursuing is currently in the rearview mirror. Perhaps one day when our kids are grown I may return to it but for now I am simply a mother. 

This decision was met with overwhelming congratulations and support from friends and family, though some of them naturally voiced a number of questions which had been on replay in my own mind for the past year. Are you ready to live on only one income? Won’t you miss your job? Will you get bored? What are you going to do with your time? These are all perfectly valid concerns and were taken into consideration as this was not a choice made lightly. 

Given the high costs of daycare and other childcare arrangements, a second income would not have ultimately benefited our overall finances by a significant margin. My husband is picking up a few extra overtime jobs while I am our primary childcare but these are sacrifices we are both happy to make. Perhaps someday I may come to miss the comradery of the office and mill life. However, though I made many friends at work I haven’t yet had a chance to miss the work itself. I love being home with my daughter. How could I possibly pass up seeing her sweet little face, even on the bad days, to sit at a desk in front of a computer for 40 hours a week? Motherhood will undoubtedly have its dull seasons and sleepless nights but I can’t imagine doing anything else. I believe that the time and energy I spent earning my engineering degree and scoring a job in the steel industry was still pointing me to exactly where I am today. All that work was done in the name of setting myself up to one day be able to raise a family. 

My husband and I are continuing our commitments to our various church ministries while baby girl and I are on a constant mission to get out of the house. She’s a nature girl, after my own heart, and loves making new friends. In those spare moments when we’re not walking the neighborhood, hiking the local trails, having a playdate or attending weekday mass she occasionally lets me set her down long enough to do a little cooking and home upkeep. So far there hasn’t been a day wasted and I’m always learning more efficient methods for getting things done around the house while juggling the little one. Of course, I am now more dependent on my husband than ever before and it’s always possible that tragedy may strike tomorrow. Our situation may change in the blink of an eye. I may be called to return to office life unexpectedly but I choose not to live in fear of what might happen tomorrow. We are simply called to bear the crosses of today. Relying on my husband while I watch our daughter learn and grow every day is a cross I am overjoyed to take up daily. God is so good. 

A Visit from the Pilgrim Virgin

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Apologies once again for the lack of Monday posts over the past couple of weeks. I am still learning the juggling act which is motherhood. Today’s post is all about the ultimate mother, the Blessed Virgin Mary. Although there are many sights of Marian apparitions throughout the world worthy of pilgrimage, for one week the Holy Mother blessed our home with a pilgrimage of her own. While we hosted her we prayed a rosary and litany in front of her statue as a family every day. This was all in participation of a tradition very near to my husband’s heart. 

During his upbringing my husband and several of the men in his family spent their Saturday afternoons processing the Blessed Virgin from one house to another, praying the rosary in front of her with each family as she traveled to a different home every week. This holy work was performed by a group of devout Catholic men known as the Ambassadors of Mary, a group dedicated to promoting devotion to the Blessed Mother. As my husband and his family moved away from their hometown the tradition petered out for a time. 

However, we recently watched a documentary, Pray: The Story of Patrick Peyton, which details the life of this incredible priest from Ireland. Of his many accomplishments, Fr. Peyton maintained a special and infectious devotion to the rosary, leading millions in prayer during massive rosary rallies. He is also responsible for the phrase “the family that prays together stays together.” His is a truly inspiring story which is still sure to ignite a fire for the Blessed Mother in the hearts of those who hear it. Such was the case for my husband and I. He immediately set to work coordinating a new Ambassadors of Mary ministry in our home parish. 

This was also the week in which I officially became a stay at home mom and it was an especially poignant blessing to welcome the mother of Christ into our home during that transition. Our house was filled with the peace and joy of her motherly intercession. Even our three month old daughter was overcome with awe for the beautiful Blessed Virgin, unable to tear her eyes away from the statue. We look forward to hosting her as often as we can.  

The Main Character

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Apologies to all for the lapse in post last week. Between being a first time mom and figuring out my employment situation the last few weeks have seemed to run together without time for much else. As such, today’s post is short and sweet. 

These days there’s so much talk about main character energy. Given how few people seem to take a genuine interest in reading I find this a bit ironic but it does beg an interesting question. Should you be the main character of your own life? Before my conversion to the faith I would have answered of course. Who else could your life possibly be about? However, as with many things since I first entered the Catholic Church, my current response is entirely different. 

I no longer strive to exude main character energy because my life became infinitely better when it stopped being about me. I found Christ, I got married and, most recently, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Certainly I still hold tremendous agency over my words and actions but my world no longer revolves around me and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I choose to place three other people at the center of it. In a hundred years if anyone is still telling my story I pray that through my efforts to be a good wife and a good mother, it’s a story which points others to the love and truth of Christ. 

I’ve told my husband that before I met him I felt like I was just keeping myself busy and somewhat productive. I always felt called to be a wife and mother and though I worked toward those ends while still shaping myself into a productive member of society, I often struggled with a sense of aimlessness. I was entertaining myself until God brought love into my life. Now, I know beyond any doubt that the work that I do within my family is a fulfillment of God’s plan for me and there is no better feeling. 

The Godparents

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In light of the birth of our beautiful baby girl my husband and I were recently set to our very first task in her religious upbringing, selecting her godparents. Fortunately, every godfather need not be an infamous Italian mobster and godmothers may forgo the magic wand and fairy wings. As with many things today I think the purpose of godparents has gotten a bit lost in more secular traditions, even among devout Catholic circles. Choosing godparents is not at all akin to deciding on members of a wedding party. To be a godfather or godmother is not simply a sentimental honorific title, bestowed upon your closest friends or family. There is one question which must be considered when making this decision. In the unlikely event that you and your spouse are unable to raise your child, who can most be counted on to ensure your baby receives proper faith formation?

Although it certainly is an honor to be one’s godparent (I myself am a proud godmother of two), that is not the primary purpose of the position. Godparents should be chosen for the good of the child only. It is an immense responsibility and a job with defined qualifications. In order to raise a child in the faith one must be of the faith. Both godparents must be practicing Catholics in good standing with the Church. This means they must have received their sacraments of initiation, be regularly attending Sunday mass, and receive the Sacrament of reconciliation at least once a year. It’s only strictly necessary for one godparent to be assigned in order for a child to be baptized in the Catholic Church. In the event that a godmother and godfather can’t be found a member of another christian denomination may participate as a christian witness. However, again, this is for the good of the child and thus, a christian witness should only be considered after exhausting all other options and not as a means of honoring a non-Catholic friend or family member. Additionally, in acknowledgement of the complementary nature of men and women, a child may have only one godfather and one godmother. These will each fulfill a critical and unique role should you and your spouse be indisposed. 

However, godparents are not only called upon to act in the event of tragedy. There are countless little ways godparents can support a child in their faith after baptism. First and foremost, they can and should pray for their godchild. They can also call or send a gift every year on the anniversary of the baptism. In many ways, this day is far more significant than a birthday and ought to be celebrated as such. Children’s books telling the story of the nativity, a first bible or a first rosary are all excellent gift ideas for any occasion but especially on a child’s baptism day. 

Ultimately, a godparent should put forth some effort to be an active participant and role model in the lives of their godchildren. Love these little ones and pray for them as often as possible. How easy it is to slip into habits which turn us away from God in this secular society. As such, every child ought to be able to count on an army of prayer warriors to guide them. There is truly no limit to the power of prayer. 

My Adult Conversion: The Kid Conversation

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Photo by Josh Willink

Although I officially entered the Catholic Church three years ago, my conversion did not end when I received the sacraments. Quite the opposite. I am still learning and growing in my faith as I suspect I will for the rest of my life. One blaring difference I’ve noticed since converting is my attitude toward children. I’ve known that I wanted to be a wife and mother from the time I was learning to walk. Despite our lack of faith in my upbringing, the importance of family was among the first lessons to be taught in ours. My childhood was truly blessed with an abundance of love from my mom, my dad and my big sister. 

That kind of close-knit family unit seemed to me the ultimate recipe for perfect happiness, not too big and not too small. I grew up with so many reasons why four was the ideal number for a family. Although we bickered like siblings, I loved having a sister and I know she feels the same. We didn’t always get along but I wouldn’t have wanted to go through childhood with anyone else, especially in comparison to our classmates’ sibling relationships. When we were little we played together with the neighbors and when we got older we developed that strange unspoken communication that only two sisters who love each other can. This came in particularly handy during some sticky social situations or when we started being interested in boys. I was convinced that more siblings would have diminished our sisterly friendship and felt lucky to only have one amazing big sister. I figured that there was simply only so much love to go around in a household. 

I could not have been more wrong. When my husband and I started Catholic marriage prep the priest asked us how many kids we’d like to have and for the first time I was completely happy to tell him we wanted two or three. After being married for two years and now with our first baby girl in the mix I’m singing a very different tune. “As many as God will give us” is my new answer. I can think of no greater joy than to nurture a large loving Catholic family. There may be a finite number of rooms in our house but the love I’m capable of feeling for my own children has shocked me over the last few months and I have yet to find its limit. 

Marriage Etiquette: Money Talk

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Over the last year my husband and I have taken on the responsibility of our parish marriage prep program and have thus gotten into the habit of discussing some of the less glamorous aspects of sacramental true love. One of these which I think many couples tend to shy away from is the subject of money. As Catholics we understand that money does not buy happiness or salvation but personal finances are a topic that should be broached before going to the altar to say I do. Surprising your brand new spouse with your crushing student debt or an uncontrolled spending habit will not endear you to them. Total honesty is a virtue which ought to be embraced by both parties from the start of your courtship. My husband and I even went so far as to show each other our bank accounts a few months into our relationship. I had just bought a house, greatly depleting my savings. This wasn’t news I wanted to spring on him later. 

However, in addition to full honesty with your future spouse, I believe in many cases, a much more tangible level of sharing ought to be considered. Although I can name happily married couples in my life for whom separate bank accounts are appropriate, I don’t believe that these are the norm or should be. Unfortunately, many modern couples choose this approach. Separate finances in a marriage should be avoided for the same reason that the Church condemns contraceptives. You are telling your spouse that “you can have all of me… almost.” It’s a ‘mine’ rather than an ‘ours’ mentality which is all too prevalent in society. It maintains an avenue for dispute and impermanence in the marriage which is outright uncatholic. In a truly sacramental marriage there should be no thought for a contingency plan if the relationship goes south. Giving yourselves a financial out “just in case” comes with the built in temptation to take it. Though the romance may remain fresh and strong for years after the wedding there will undoubtedly come a time when your marriage will be tested. It’s on those days when you need to be 100% committed to your spouse. Leaving should never be an option. 

Shared finances also come with the bonus of bringing you closer in your marriage. All major purchases and investments become joint decisions which require you to reach terms that are acceptable to both parties. This attitude of compromise will ripple into all other aspects of your marriage if practiced enough, thus strengthening the trust between you and your spouse. When everything goes into the same pot there’s no need to debate who makes more money and who should pay the bills. There’s no attitude of competition regarding who can bring home the most bacon. You’re in it together. Any income becomes ‘our’ income and any expense is shouldered by ‘us.’ In a world of fleeting success and fleeting romance it may seem daunting to join your finances to someone else, right down to your very last penny. However, if you are truly, sacramentally married to the person, there are few reasons not to. There is no limit to the trust between a man and woman united in holy matrimony.

Baby’s First Stations

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During a long visit with my family from Colorado we had the supreme joy of welcoming our baby girl into the Catholic Church. She is now baptized and an adopted child of God. She has received her passport to heaven. Now the hubby and I are tasked with teaching her how to use it. 

In that spirit, my parents joined us for a drive to the Shrine of Christ’s Passion in St. John, IN. It was a warm, bright sunny day, perfect for walking the life like stations of the cross. I count it a special blessing to be able to take this walk with my parents as well as our newest addition to the family. 

1st Station: Jesus is condemned to death

2nd Station: Jesus carries his cross

3rd Station: Jesus falls the first time

4th Station: Jesus meets his mother

5th Station: Simon of Cyrene helps Jesus to carry his cross

6th Station: Veronica wipes the face of Jesus

7th Station: Jesus falls the second time

8th Station: Jesus meets the women of Jerusalem

9th Station: Jesus falls a third time

10th Station: Jesus is stripped of his garments

11th Station: Jesus is nailed to the cross

12th Station: Jesus dies on the cross

13th Station: The body of Jesus is taken down from the cross

14th Station: Jesus is laid in the tomb

Finding Saint Anthony

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Many Catholics are familiar with Saint Anthony, the patron Saint of lost things. He is credited with abundant miracles and is often the one we invoke when we’ve misplaced our keys. This month we celebrated his feast day to thank him for his assistance. Although I hold Saint Anthony in the highest regard along with all those in heaven, I would’ve forgotten his feast this year had it not been for his holy intercession and a little help from my mom. 

On June 13th my parents happened to be visiting to help us welcome our daughter into the Church through baptism earlier that week. My mom and I popped out with baby for a bit of antiquing around town. Little did I know that Saint Anthony had his eye on us. Just as we were leaving the last shop before heading for home my mom spied a thin blue rosary hanging by the door. I’m working on my holy card and rosary collections (you can never have too many) and couldn’t resist looping back for a second look. The tag on the simple strand of beads said $12. No doubt the shop owners had yet to meet the Blessed Mother and fully understand the miraculous power of this holy devotion. For 12 measly dollars I couldn’t pass up this sacramental. After purchasing the little rosary we once again made our way to the door and I examined the inscription on the back of the medal. “Saint Anthony” I exclaimed to my mom, holding it aloft for her to see.

“You know it’s his feast day.” She smiled back at me and the two ladies behind the counter. They nodded in a polite though somewhat uninterested fashion. However, I felt as though I’d stumbled onto a rare treasure. I’d of course heard of Saint Anthony and even prayed to him a number of times upon misplacing various household items but today I had the pleasure of finding him. No doubt this was due to his finding me first. Through the rosary, a most beautiful devotion to the Holy Mother, the Saint of lost things found this brand new mother, guiding her yet deeper into her faith.