Catholic

The Gift of a Good Confession

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Photo by Sami Aksu

I’ve never been a natural social butterfly and have put forth a concerted effort to develop and maintain passable people skills over the years. I’ll be the first to say that I’m much better in writing and verbal communication has often been a source of tremendous anxiety in my life. I’m the sort of person who googles neighborhood BBQ etiquette and rehearses grocery store checkout small talk in advance. 

As such, I made a similar habit when I first started attending confession after being received fully into the Catholic Church. In my examination of conscience I would write a short script of talking points to bring up in the confessional and would recite the following prayer. “Lord, help me to give a full and honest confession.” In the confession line I would rehearse my lines until my turn arrived. 

While these were all perfectly valid confessions and none of these practices are technically wrong, I often left the confessional feeling like I had somewhat missed the mark and wishing that I had been more articulate. Recently it occurred to me that perhaps this feeling had very little to do with the precise words I said, or failed to say, but that it was instead faith and trust in God that I was lacking. I was trying so hard to give a “good” confession that I forgot the most important part. I asked God to help me every time without truly leaning into His healing power, trusting that He would give me the words I needed.

I’ve since revised my process for preparing for the sacrament of reconciliation. I still write out an examination of conscience, though it’s now a few brief bulleted reminders rather than a full script. I also recite the same prayer but with this addition. “Lord, send your holy spirit to give me the words I need to lay my sins bare at your feet so that I may properly atone for them.” The first time I said this prayer in the confession line I was blessed with a new sense of calm and I ceased my nervous rehearsing. My mind was totally clear when I entered the confessional. It was one of the most honest confessions I’ve ever given. 

I still catch myself slipping into old habits on occasion and obsessing over how to get the words out right. It’s a work in progress but, as I discovered, atonement for our sins and absolution from them is most complete when we truly, totally and faithfully relinquish our human failings to God. Reconciliation is a sacrament, an outward sign instituted by Christ to give grace. Of course, we need to properly prepare ourselves to receive it with a focused and genuine examination of our past wrongs but then we must give ourselves over entirely to Him.

I Aim to Preach

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Photo by David Eucaristía

There is a constant fear among many Catholics today of being too preachy. We all go around walking on eggshells, terrified of coming across too strongly in our faith or upsetting anyone with our trust in the one true God. Even some of the most devoted Catholics have been conditioned to keep their religious convictions out of social and professional settings at all costs. This is a huge disservice to Christ. We are His disciples, called to go out into the world and profess the word of God. This is not to be done in a prideful or overly pious way but it should be done. If we truly believe in the Holy Trinity, that Christ died on the cross for our sins and is ever present in the Eucharist when we go to mass, our mission in life must be to help as many people receive Him as possible. 

If we fully accept those Catholic teachings we also understand the consequences of turning away from God when we sin which is why we so often run to confession. Rather than striving for vast earthly wealth and success, Catholics seek to achieve eternal salvation which is found only in Christ. We all have good in us but we are not all going to Heaven. God created us in His image. Each and every human being on the planet is proof of His miraculous work and love. However, in order to obtain salvation we must fully and freely choose Him and live in accordance with His teachings. We should preach our faith to anyone who will listen to save as many souls as we can while in this earthly life.

Our faith is not reserved for Sunday worship alone. We Catholics should not hide who we are and what we believe from our friends and coworkers. Of course, launching into a full homily every time you’re out to lunch isn’t likely to win many hearts but small, seemingly ordinary invitations can spark a question or conversation that can lead to much more. Perhaps it’s as simple as sharing in your office team meeting that the reason for your upcoming vacation is a trip to visit family for the baptism of a new niece or nephew. Maybe it’s as easy as noting your intention to go to mass when asked about your weekend plans. If you’re feeling especially outgoing you could even extend a formal invitation for friends to join you at that mass. We need only plant small seeds and trust God to do the rest. I believe that going through life with a holier than thou attitude is the mark of a false Catholic just as is concealing our faith among non-believers. In order to truly live out our faith we must do so publicly. It should be obvious to those around us, not because we live with our noses in the air, but by the truth we speak, the modest way we dress and the compassionate things we do everyday to share God’s love.

All Saints’ Day

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Nearly everyone knows about All Hallows’ Eve. Every child in America looks forward to Halloween, the last day in October when they get to bundle up under costumes of their favorite characters and flit all over town in search of tasty treats to eat. However, far fewer people are familiar with the Catholic feast which always comes the day after Halloween. All Saints’ Day is a Catholic holy day of obligation meaning that attendance at church is required. 

Catholics flock to church on this particular solemnity to celebrate all the saints, both known and unknown. Even non-believers are familiar with some of the greats; Saint Peter, Saint Paul, Saint Joseph to name a few. These are big ‘S’ Saints. Their sainthood has been formally declared by the Holy Father, the Pope, after careful examination of a series of miracles attributed to each of these people. However, one hardly has to be famous in order to become a saint in the eyes of God. There are hundreds of Saints officially acknowledged and celebrated by the Catholic Church and there are countless more that remain unknown but by those who knew them in life. All those who reside with God in heaven have achieved sainthood through virtuous lives or purification of purgatory, regardless of their renown here on earth. 

We tend to confuse our terminology by saying we pray to Saint Anthony for our lost keys or to Saint Mary Magdalene for continued conversion. In truth, we Catholics only ever pray to God as we worship the one true God, fully present in the holy trinity. No saint, famous or otherwise, can answer our prayers. We believe that all of these holy people are now in heaven and therefore closest to God. By this proximity, they have God’s ear in a sense and are capable of interceding for us. When we invoke specific saints in our lives we ask for their intercessions only, that they might implore God to help us in our need. Today, we honor all of them for this assistance.

Catholic Roots

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Photo by Monstera Production

I readily admit that Halloween is far from my favorite holiday. This is a distaste which I believe I inherited from my mom. Of course when my sister and I were little we went trick-or-treating through the neighborhood as a family, a ritual which any child eagerly looks forward to every year. Upon arriving home my parents always had my sister and I choose our favorite 10 pieces of candy. The rest they told us was for the candy fairy. In the morning our extra candy would be gone, replaced by a small gift much like something Santa might leave under the Christmas tree. It was family traditions like these which fueled the magic of our childhood and I’m so grateful to our parents for them. 

However, as we outgrew trick-or-treating Halloween became more of a shared family annoyance than a beloved holiday. We always enjoyed passing out candy to the costumed kiddos but as the evening progressed our house would inevitably be visited by lazy or scantily clad teenagers expecting the same treatment, many of whom hadn’t bothered to don a costume at all. Later, Halloween as an adult with work friends was treated by my peers as little more than an excuse for drunkenness during which otherwise respectable young women would squeeze themselves into too tight, too short “costumes” lauding immodesty as the goal the entire time. This has also become a time when quaint family neighborhoods are regularly assaulted by demonic and excessively gory scenes sprawled across various front lawns.

For all of these reasons I’m not a fan of Halloween and wasn’t intending to honor the occasion with a full Monday post. However, I recently came across this post, Halloween and Hallowtide, from a fellow blogger which caused me to reconsider. She very eloquently reminds readers that, all demonic and scandalous behavior aside, Halloween was originally rooted in Catholic traditions. All Hallows Eve is part of a holy triduum in the Church. This is the vigil to All Saints’ Day which occurs on November 1st and is immediately followed by All Souls’ Day on November 2nd. During these three days we are to pray and feast in honor of our beloved dead. After reading this article, I can only echo her call to “sprinkle some Catholicism in your Halloween.” As Catholics we must always be careful to avoid participating in any activities which might lead ourselves and others deeper into sin but we also should attempt to live liturgically where possible by celebrating Catholic feasts like these.

A Mother’s Love

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Sometimes we have to grow up to truly grasp all the little ways our parents love us even without our knowledge. For the first 21 years of my life there was always family close by, sometimes a short 20 minutes down the road but most often just in the next room. I grew up accustomed to the familial sounds of chatter in the hall and feet on the stairs. Even now, my house doesn’t quite feel like home when my husband has to spend a weekend away for work and everything falls silent. Home has always been where my people are.

When I moved to Indiana for a job in the steel industry I also embarked on the two loneliest years of my life. Of course, I invested all of my free time and energy in keeping busy and making friends. I took up new hobbies and filled my days with every social engagement I could find, despite being incredibly shy. However, in the evening I would always return to a dark, empty apartment which was an especially sobering situation amid COVID lockdowns. During this season of loneliness I called my mom nearly every day, sometimes three times in one day. She was a constant lifeline and content to receive a running play-by-play of my new life in the Midwest. My mom wore many hats during that time; life coach, public relations advisor, romance councilor, medical consultant and chief BFF to name a few. 

Now, having found my husband and both of us with slightly busier church schedules, we talk a bit less. Our catch up phone calls now come a few times a week and I’m ashamed to say I’ve caught myself a bit peeved on occasion when she wasn’t able to come to the phone. In addition to becoming a hugely active and influential member of her parish community, my mom is also the current help hotline for my sister who is in the throes of medical school while navigating the joys and trials of motherhood for the very first time. 

It occurred to me recently that in my own time of need my mom was just as available and ready to listen. She hardly ever missed a call during those two years when I was entirely on my own in an unfamiliar landscape. At the time, I was simply grateful for the comfort our daily check-ins afforded us both. I was blessed with a familiar voice to vent any and all frustrations to and my mom received regular reassurance that her youngest daughter was still safe and well. Now, years later, I consider the sacrifice these chats required on her part, to always be ready and willing to listen. I pray someday that my own kids can know they are loved that much. Thanks mom.

Here I Am

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My husband and I have been trying to squeeze adoration and daily mass into our schedule more frequently. Sometimes it’s a bit of an effort as neither of us are currently blessed with an abundance of free time but I never regret it. Fr. Mike Schmitz highlighted our Catholic mission perfectly in his Catechism in a Year podcast when he spoke of how we are called to live outside of Sunday worship. Our faith ought to inform everything we do. When looking for vacation destinations we have to also keep in mind the availability of a Catholic church and mass while away from home and we should consider committing to daily mass during those days of rest and relaxation. We should give more to God on our days off and in our moments of spare time because those are the moments when we have the most to give. God is for us always, not just when convenient. We ought to be for Him in the same way.

It was in this spirit that my husband and I agreed to make time before the Blessed Sacrament a larger portion of our day-to-day. Often, the small, ordinary comfort of habitual prayer before the Eucharist is the only reward, though still well worth it. However, there are other moments of being touched and utterly overwhelmed by God’s grace. Such was the case one Tuesday morning in early July. We both had the day off from work for our nation’s Independence Day and chose to begin the celebrations with morning adoration and mass. 

We like to attend adoration at our local university’s chapel. It’s an intimate experience as the little chapel is a simple, windowless room barely large enough to accommodate five chairs and one solitary kneeler set directly before a tabernacle which can be opened and closed by visitors without endangering the consecrated host inside. On this occasion we were the only two visitors and used the time to pray our daily rosary as well as a divine mercy chaplet. As we recited the chaplet my mind drifted to the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist on silent display at the front of the tiny dimmed room. 

I thought of Christ, the man, with us in adoration and was stunned at how easily and vividly that image came to mind. I didn’t have to wonder at what He would look like, how He would dress or His mannerisms as we prayed before His blessed body. Those details came into view without any effort of my own. I could almost see Him kneeling directly in front of the host between my husband and I as we sat praying on either side of the tabernacle. His back was to us, hands steepled and head bowed in silent prayer to His father. I couldn’t see his face but I don’t believe that was the point. I wouldn’t have been there if I didn’t already believe in the real presence. This image, clear as day, was not proof but consolation. He was simply there, lovingly present with us. It was like a parent’s embrace to a child which says you are safe, you are loved and you are not alone. As this scene of the three of us played out in my mind and our divine mercy chaplet drew to a close He never turned and He never spoke but three words were plastered across my consciousness and haven’t left me since. “Here I am.”

Marriage Etiquette: Flirt Like it’s 1867

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I recently came across an article outlining Victorian Era dating tips and couldn’t help but laugh because I found myself agreeing with most of them. Here is my reasoning for why these courtship rules from the 1800s are still relevant and necessary in the 21st century. 

  1. A gentleman should protect a woman in case of danger. – Yes! Men should be men. Men are generally larger, stronger, less emotional and better equipped to repel and attack. I am by no means saying that women should simply accept the role of helpless damsel in distress. I believe everyone, be it man or woman, should be fully capable of defending themselves. It’s why I enthusiastically embrace our U.S. Constitution’s Second Amendment. However, as the protector of the family, it is the husband’s (man’s) responsibility to act as the first line of defense, whether that be under physical or verbal assault. 
  2. A lady should not accept gifts from gentlemen. – This one is fairly straightforward. Don’t lead on people you’re not interested in. In today’s world the threshold for when it’s appropriate to start showering each other with gifts seems to vary from person to person. However, it’s my feeling that you shouldn’t be giving or receiving romantic gifts from or dating anyone you don’t genuinely intend to marry. It just muddies the waters and wastes everyone’s time. 
  3. A gentleman should give all his attention to his woman in public. – I believe this is the theory of duh. It’s applicable to men and women in my opinion. If you’re in a relationship don’t be making eyes at other people. Period. Obviously you shouldn’t flirt with anyone but the person you are currently committed to.
  4. A woman was prohibited from calling on a man. – While I don’t think strict adherence to this rule is currently necessary, there are some underlying ideas which I think should still be practiced today. People should not carelessly flirt with friends or strangers or do anything that might lead to scandal for themselves or others. If you really do have feelings for a potential love interest you should respect them enough to maintain a proper courtship which doesn’t leave your neighbors guessing what might be happening in private, behind closed doors. 
  5. A gentleman had to control his sexual appetite. – Guys, it turns out it’s still bad form to flirt with anything that moves. One of the hallmarks of adulthood which is sadly lacking in our society today is mastery over all of your urges and impulses rather than being mastered by them. It’s a lesson that both men and women should take to heart. Contrary to popular current belief, you do not have to bow to each and every physical and emotional desire and nor should you. 
  6. Strangers who found themselves dancing together were not allowed to converse. – I don’t totally agree with this particular rule but, as with #4, there are some underlying core values which I do believe still have a place in our modern world. Too often we underestimate the power of a proper introduction, particularly in current culture where simply approaching a woman and striking up a conversation is becoming increasingly complicated and risky. Whether it be by an acquaintance at church or a mutual work friend or anyone else, being introduced is a perfect way to ease tension and awkwardness during that first meeting. 
  7. A gentleman was obliged to carry a lady’s bag. – Much like #1, this is a PSA to all the young men in the world today. Don’t let chivalry be dead. Do the gentlemanly thing and take care of the heavy lifting. If done genuinely, it is a kind and reverent action a man can do for his lady. Inversely, all the empowered lady bosses should learn to take a step back and simply say thank you when a gentleman steps up to do a good deed for them. Men and women are different and we absolutely should embrace our uniquely masculine and feminine traits in order fulfill God’s will for our lives and become good partners for each other. 
  8. A gentleman should leave the inner side of the pavement for his lady. – This is another chivalrous and protective gesture which I think needs to be reinstated in society. In this particular instance, the man places himself in between his lady and any potential danger that might come from the street, whether that be puddle splashback or a runaway carriage. Whatever the peril, walking on the streetside demonstrates his feelings for his woman by quietly but willingly putting himself in a position to take the brunt of it.  
  9. Neither party should make the other jealous. – No good can come from toying with the mind and emotions of another human being. This manipulative act can often lead to fighting, scandal and horribly misguided judgements in a relationship. If you truly want to beat the dating game you must first embrace total honesty with your partner. You might entice dishonest people by being honest but you will never entice an honest person by being dishonest. 

What do you think? Should we revive 1800s courtship rules?

Unpack the Boxes

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I came across this post, Love the Place You Want to Leave by Intentional Faith, a fellow blogger and had to reread it several times. I was so deeply moved by it as it perfectly articulates the profound ache of homesickness. I just passed my fourth year in the Midwest and, while I’m immensely happy in my marriage, my home and my life in general, there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss everything about life in Colorado. Part of my heart will always belong there.

However, I had a couple of spectacular epiphanies while reading this post. Obviously, I’m hardly the first or the last to feel this way. That bit of perspective is easy to forget during the daily grind. I’ve also come to realize that not every longing in my heart, no matter how intense, is a call from God to action. He put me here in this place right now for a reason and He doesn’t make mistakes. 

Even though I’ve taken many measures to embrace life in the Midwest, there’s still a part of me that hesitates when approaching new home improvement projects or when considering getting involved in some church or community group. There’s part of me that wonders how long I’m going to be here anyway. Should I really get too entrenched here when I still yearn for different scenery? 

I believe the short answer is yes. I’m only human. I can’t see the future. Who knows what the next 5, 10 or even 20 years will bring? But what better way is there to glorify God than to live my very best, most Catholic life in this place and this home that He’s given me? Living with one foot out the door because our situation might change in another few years is precisely the opposite of what He calls us all to do. It isn’t wrong to miss where I came from. It’s wrong to use that desire as an excuse to not “unpack the boxes” here. I should make this place as much of a home as I possibly can for as long as I am called to be here. Anything less is a deliberate failure to do God’s will. 

The Thankless Jobs

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People get so caught up with being the equal. Equal representation has become equal celebration and now everyone is out to claim their day on the calendar. We as humans truly are the walking wounded. Everyone on the planet has experienced some hardship in their lives and likely will again. Suffering is one of the few guarantees in this life. We’ve grown so used to it and so fond of it that we’ve started trying to outdo one another, trying to squeeze ourselves into every possible suffering minority in an effort to claim that our pain is greater than everyone else’s and we ought to be recognized for it. 

This is one of the countless reasons that I thank God for blessing me with the two loving people who raised me. My parents taught me to know my worth. Of course, they also instilled in my sister and I an attitude of humility which we both still strive for. We were brought up to be kind and polite and to always respect our elders. However, we also grew up with the understanding that no mountain was too high to summit. There was no impossible undertaking in our lives, just enough hard work to get it done. Even in Disney movies, dreams don’t come true for free. I’m human just like everyone else, flawed and fallen. I make mistakes, fall short and begin again as we all do but by God’s grace, every single prayer in my life has been answered. 

I don’t need a month or a week or a day on the calendar to know my worth. I have already proved myself capable of overcoming obstacles that life throws my way. I have found success in all facets of my life and I believe that, so long as I continue to take up my cross daily as God calls us to do, I can still achieve great things. I know that I’m capable of being a good wife and a good Catholic and someday I believe I can be a good mother. It doesn’t matter how many people will celebrate me for it. Even if no one ever thanks me for my efforts to one day raise a loving, Christ centered family, I will still know that it was worth it. In my experience it’s often these seemingly thankless jobs in life that ultimately lead us toward true fulfillment which is found in Christ. 

Books for the Catholic Reader

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Even before I was Catholic, I was an avid book lover. Throughout our childhood my sister enjoyed listening to a slew of epic fantasy novels which always came to us through our dad’s voice. No matter how many books I read (or had read to me), my reading list never gets any shorter. My husband’s learned to avoid Barnes & Noble on busy afternoons because it’s never a quick trip.

Over the last couple of years as I’ve grown in my faith I’ve started viewing my reading material through a much more Catholic lens, even the fantasy books. Here is my current book list for other Catholic readers.

Religious

  • The Bible – This is a Catholic no-brainer. It may not always be the easiest read but is something that every Catholic should familiarize themself with. Questions will undoubtedly arise as you go and you should never be afraid to bring these to your local priest. I also found it helpful to work through the Bible using the Fr. Mike Schmitz podcast series, The Bible in a Year.
  • The Catechism – Similar to the Bible, this book is incredibly useful for understanding not only Catholic texts but traditions as well. You can also digest this through a podcast series from Fr. Mike called The Catechism in a Year.
  • Miracles Through Our Lady: True Stories of Everyday People That Can Change Your Life Forever originally written by Fr. Karl Maria Harrer and translated by Renate Mross – This was one of the first books my husband ever read to me and I’m still deeply moved by the tales of marian miracles all over the world throughout history.

Dating Advice

  • How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul by Jason and Crystalina Evert – This book is full of Catholic dating advice. It pounds home the necessity of saving sex for marriage, a conclusion I arrived at independently of my faith before picking up this book. However, my key takeaway was to never settle for someone who only tolerated my values. Although that lesson may seem obvious it was a shining moment for me in riddling out exactly what went wrong in a past relationship. This and many other relationship lessons were among the first to set me on the path to God. 

Non-Fiction

  • Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand – Immediately after watching the movie adaptation of this story I pulled the book off my parents’ shelf and started reading. Despite all of the unspeakable things that Louis Zamperini endured during WWII, I found this was ultimately a tale of Christ-like forgiveness and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from it. 

Fantasy 

  • The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R Tolkien – Much like The Bible the epic tales of Middle Earth will never disappear from my list no matter how many times I read them. These are among the first books I remember my dad ever reading to my sister and I and someday I hope to share them with my own kids. They are bursting with Catholic teachings, Tolkien having been a devout Catholic himself, and the struggles and character of Christ can easily be seen in several of the main characters in this fantasy universe. 

Honorable Mentions

Many of these are not strictly Catholic but for one reason or another I found myself relating various characters or scenes to similar biblical happenings and had difficulty putting these stories down.

  • Did You Ever Have a Family by Bill Clegg
  • A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman
  • All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr
  • The Mistborn Trilogy by Brandon Sanderson
  • The Stormlight Archives by Brandon Sanderson
  • Harry Potter by J.K Rowling
  • The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S Lewis