Catholic

An Objective Opinion

/ scbilder / Leave a comment

I’ve been known to gush about my mom in writing on a number of occasions. She’s every bit the sort of aggressively hospitable woman I strive to be. She’s passionate, spontaneous and extremely pushy when it comes to her loved ones living their best lives. However, today’s post is about Dad, the generally unsung hero in our lives; a man of logic and straight lines and hard work. 

Throughout my childhood the need for two loving parents, a mother and a father, was always abundantly clear to me. They serve very different purposes for their children. Dad was the objective opinion in our household and still is to this day. He’s the calm voice of reason in times of crisis, whether that crisis be my broken down Audi halfway between my summer internship and school or a big breakup with my long-time college boyfriend. He’s my go-to when work gets tough or the AC goes out in my house and was the help hotline the first time I did my taxes. 

Even before we came to the Catholic faith, my dad embodied the ideals of St. Joseph, the patron saint of families, fathers, engineers and workers to name a few. Over the years, my dad’s constant mission was to provide and care for our family. It was far from easy at times and there were many long nights at the office but he always made sure to be home for dinner. Thanks to his dedication, my sister and I enjoyed a carefree childhood of bedtime stories and goodnight kisses, memories which we both still cherish to this day. 

As we grew up and began to encounter trials of our own, we were always able to lean on his example. It’s why anything less than our best never quite cut it in our house. I also know that many of the blessings that my sister and I enjoy are largely due to the constant prayers which my parents send up on our behalf. Thanks Dad, for all of the prayers and objective opinions over the years. We love you!

The Near Occasion of Sin

/ scbilder / Leave a comment

For a large portion of my life I believed, as many people do, that my actions mattered more than my thoughts. I was raised to be a good law abiding citizen, to respect my elders, to be kind and courteous and compassionate to everyone, whether I liked them or not. However, I also felt free to think whatever I wanted. By this logic I could judge random folks on the street for everything from their poor taste in shoes to their questionable smoking habits so long as I remained polite and civil in my words and actions. I could call my sister all manner of unfortunate names when she annoyed me as long as it was only in my mind. I could engage in a profane and road ragey tirade every time someone cut me off in traffic as long as this tirade could never be perceived by fellow drivers.  

Thought matters. God knows our hearts and our minds. It’s why we graciously thank our friends and family for all of those birthday presents that we didn’t even ask for. It really is the thought that counts and even if we didn’t get exactly what we wanted we know that those gifts all came from places of love. 

Our thoughts precede our words and actions which is why it’s generally far easier to avoid negative temptations altogether than to try to resist them. This is exactly what we are called to do as Catholics. At the conclusion of every Catholic confession the priest provides us with a penance to perform in reparation for our sins and asks us to recite an act of contrition in which we “firmly resolve with the help of God’s grace to sin no more and to avoid the near occasion of sin.” Sinful thoughts can lead us to all manner of situations in which we turn away from God; the sin of scandal, jealousy, or even the worship of false gods through addiction. In today’s fast paced world with a wealth of entertainment and information at our fingertips it’s easier than ever to fall into an endless screen addiction. 

We are all called to be Christ for the world even in those moments when no one is watching. To live truly Catholic lives we must always work to keep our thoughts, words and actions clean and to approach every situation through the lens of genuine love and service for our neighbors. 

Why We Chose the Unpopular Wedding Reading

/ scbilder / 6 Comments
Photo by Gift Habeshaw

“Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:2) This is a sentence that no modern, strong independent woman wants to hear. These are also the words most often pulled out of the reading and dissected under a microscope. However, if you examine the reading in its entirety you learn about the husband’s side of the bargain.

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the Church.” Christ died for the Church. He suffered every kind of human torment; physical torture, humiliation, betrayal and was crucified out of love for the Church. He made the ultimate sacrifice. Obeying the man I love seems like small change in comparison. I trust my husband completely and would gladly follow him anywhere. I am totally confident that he would never do anything to deliberately hurt or humiliate me. 

Marriage doesn’t mean packing up my hopes and dreams. My husband wants those things for me too, just as I want him to find success and fulfillment in his endeavors. It’s why I chose him. I’m his wife, not his slave. I always try to act in his best interest, not because I don’t love myself, but because I love him more. There are three persons in every Catholic marriage; the husband, the wife and Christ. We are called to love God, to love our spouse and to love ourselves in that order. Typical catholic marriage prep includes six to nine months of learning and discussion with each other and a priest in order to discover one another’s needs as well as potential sources of future conflict. We do this to ensure that all three parties are fully aware and confident in the decision to come together in the sacrament of marriage. 

Living in the service of a spouse isn’t an indignity at all. If done correctly, I believe it’s one of the most beautiful and Catholic things we can possibly do. It’s what Christ was sent to do. “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as ransom for many.” (Mathew 20:28) Christ, the bridegroom came to serve His bride, the Church. Honestly, I can’t imagine a better way to spend the rest of my life than following and serving the man I married. 

A reading from the letter of Saint Paul to the Ephesians

Brothers and sisters:
Live in love, as Christ loved us
	and handed himself over for us.

[Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord.
For the husband is head of his wife
	just as Christ is head of the Church,
	he himself the savior of the body.
As the Church is subordinate to Christ,
	so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything.]

Husbands, love your wives,
	even as Christ loved the Church
	and handed himself over for her to sanctify her,
	cleansing her by the bath of water with the word,
	that he might present to himself the Church in splendor,
	without spot or wrinkle or any such thing,
	that she might be holy and without blemish.
So also husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself.
For no one hates his own flesh
	but rather nourishes and cherishes it,
	even as Christ does the Church,
	because we are members of his Body.
	     For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother
	          and be joined to his wife,
	     and the two shall become one flesh.
This is a great mystery,
	but I speak in reference to Christ and the Church.

[In any case, each one of you should love his wife as himself,
	and the wife should respect her husband.]

The word of the Lord.

Tomorrow Will Take Care of Itself

/ scbilder / 4 Comments

Although I have found my faith and put my trust in God in all things, I still occasionally find myself among the perpetual worriers of the world. In the Bible we read passages like the one of Lazarus and the rich man who enjoyed all manner of earthly pleasures while ignoring the plights of others.

Every now and again I can imagine parallels between myself and the wealthy man. Of course I try to be generous with my time, money and talents but there’s always more that could be done. I grew up in a beautiful home and thanks to my two loving parents, the majority of my childhood was spent without a care in the world. Even on my bad days, I always had everything I could possibly need. I feel unbelievably blessed to have parents who were so wholly dedicated to my health and happiness. As I’ve said previously on this blog, I was convinced that I was the luckiest kid on earth. 

Of course, life has hardly been a breeze every day but on the whole, my trials have been relatively small thus far. Sometimes I struggle to keep my mind from wandering to those far less fortunate than me, people who face great loss or pain in their lives. These are two things that I’ve yet to encounter and I wonder if I’m up to the task. It’s easy to start asking questions of “what if” and worrying over what terrible crosses I’ll be asked to bear before all is said and done. 

But God knows our hearts and our abilities. He doesn’t give us more than we can handle even if it is occasionally more than we envision ourselves capable of. We are not called to worry over what might happen tomorrow. We are simply tasked with bearing the crosses of today. He reminds us of this in Matthew 6:25-34 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat [or drink], or about your body… Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself.”

Marriage Etiquette: Don’t Trash Talk Your Spouse

/ scbilder / 2 Comments

I don’t believe it’s ever appropriate to bad mouth your spouse whether they’re present or not. I think it’s behavior which reflects more poorly on you than on the husband or wife that you’re complaining about. Why did you subject yourself to lifelong commitment to that person if you find them so tiresome? On your list of priorities, their dignity and well being should certainly come before your own comeuppance for a minor, petty grievance, especially in the case of someone you’ve vowed to love and cherish all the days of your lives.

I’ve heard a number of friends and coworkers verbally degrade their partners on several occasions, all under the guise of good natured ribbing and fun. It’s often even more unsettling to meet the aforementioned partner only to discover that they have nothing but praise for their ill-mannered significant other. You don’t have to agree with everything they say or do. As a couple you should be able to have productive, civil, even compassionate disagreements. I’m not advocating total, stiff formality with your spouse. You need to be able to have fun together and must therefore be equipped with enough humility to laugh at yourselves. That just doesn’t include laughing at each other. 

Mom’s Hearts

/ scbilder / 1 Comment

Catholic mothers are often said to have the biggest hearts and are known for the seemingly endless hospitality and love which pours forth from them. My mom is no exception although her love isn’t contained in just one but is spread throughout dozens of hearts. She’s never been the type to wear them on her sleeve but instead places each one with care in her Colorado home, bright little reminders of her love hiding in plain sight. I tried to number them once but lost count and more have appeared since then. 

Some of her hearts are made of stone, plucked from a mountain top or lakeside during a family adventure. These now litter her bookshelves, all at home amid epic tales of Middle Earth and magic wands. Some of her hearts are made of colored glass and wire. She hangs these in her windows to catch the morning sun. Her walls are ornamented with hand carved wooden depictions of The Sacred Heart, flaming and wreathed in thorns, or else crowned and fluttering tiny angel wings. Still more of her hearts are scattered over dark wood tables, under coffee mugs or woven into the seasonal cushions which she uses to decorate her sofa and favorite armchair. 

When visiting her house one is quite literally surrounded by her love and many people have been on the receiving end of it. Everywhere you look, her love smiles at you from every corner. But of course it doesn’t evaporate when one leaves her house. That’s just where she stores most of her hearts for safe keeping but she sends her love into the world with every visitor who comes and goes, generally after a delicious meal and a nightcap. When I moved away to Indiana she gave me a couple of her hearts for my bookshelf, starter hearts for my own collection. I’ve come to realize one can never have too many. Happy Mother’s Day Mom. Thanks for all the hearts. 

Why I Veil in Church

/ scbilder / 10 Comments

My mom turned me onto veiling shortly after my baptism. It is a very traditional catholic practice for women to cover their heads at mass although it was somewhat abandoned after Vatican II. It is now much less common in the United States than in many European nations but veils can still occasionally be found in our own churches. 

Because it is such a rare practice at my home parish I worried that I might unintentionally be making a spectacle of myself by adopting this particular habit. However, if approached through the proper frame of mind, there is nothing scandalous about veiling just as there is nothing wrong with attending latin mass. I quickly grew accustomed to veiling in front of the blessed sacrament and now I never go to church without my veil. 

There are many reasons to veil but chief among them is to show reverence to Christ. It is an outward, visible sign of a woman’s faith similarly to how men remove their hats when they enter the sanctuary. It is a sign of respect and always helps me focus on the sacrifice of the mass. My veil is not like other garments, worn for its comfort or aesthetic appeal. It is reserved only for prayer and worship before the blessed sacrament and serves as a reminder to me of what is truly sacred. 

I’ve also heard a few fellow millennial women occasionally bemoan the idea that women should be made to cover up while men are under no such obligation. To these women, my mom also had an answer. She once aptly observed that “you veil what is sacred.” In the Catholic faith we regard Mary, the mother of Christ, in the highest honor. She was free from original sin and unfailing in her trust and faith in God. She was assumed into Heaven and is Queen of the Universe. Veiling is a beautiful tradition in which we can imitate the most holy mother of God and acknowledge our catholic reverence for Mary and for motherhood and women in general. This is not an oppressive practice meant to hide women against their will. In fact, it does the opposite. It highlights the Mary-like grace, beauty and dignity of all women and is a freely embraced tradition of the faith. 

Photo by Burak Evlivan

Veiling is certainly not a requirement but I’m always struck by the reverent beauty whenever we attend a latin mass and see the church filled with veiling women and men in suits. It may take some getting used to but I highly recommend it for any women looking for ways to grow closer to God.

There are a multitude of places to purchase chapel veils at a wide range of prices. My personal favorites are EvintageVeils and Veil by Tradition. 

The Man Who Ruined Dating

/ scbilder / Leave a comment
Photo by Rainstorm Photo

Although it thrills me to say that I have beat the dating game once and for all and have been happily married for months, the fact is that this stage of life together is still relatively new to both of us. I am still falling head over heels for my husband and there is no end in sight to the days of me gushing about how much I love him. 

I count my blessings every day that I get to spend with the man who single handedly ruined dating for me. Even as a shy awkward teenager when dating meant sitting close together at the lunch table, I hated it. I always wanted to find my person but attracting him seemed a long, confusing, arduous ordeal. I was constantly turning to my mom for advice on what to say and what to do in response to potential love interests. Even after graduating and entering the workforce and adulthood, I was still on the phone with her every time an acquaintance got up the nerve to ask me out. She was my ultimate dating coach while on the hunt for Mr. Right and counseled me to keep my options open, watch out for red flags and, as every good Catholic knows, pray about it. 

When I met my husband things went a little differently. I still called my mom on my way home from our first date but not to ask for advice. I’d just spent an entire afternoon with a sweet, old fashioned, Catholic, dreamy soldier man on the best first date I’d ever had and was over the moon about it. Given my track record of dead end first dates, this was the very last thing I’d expected. 

However, the excitement didn’t peter out over the next few weeks as was always the case with others. It didn’t take long for me to realize that I’d never be able to marry anyone else. His general motto is “I am here to serve” and from the start of our love story it was obvious that he consciously lived by it every single day. In all my life I’d never met anyone like him and I suspect I’m not likely to again. I knew I’d never be able to return to the dating game after meeting him. My only choice from then on was to become the kind of good Catholic woman that could be married to him.

Only upon later reflection did I realize that’s exactly what marriage is all about. We’ll spend the rest of our lives shaping ourselves into good partners for each other. 

Renewal of Easter

/ scbilder / 6 Comments

I am officially a toddler in catholic years. Yesterday was my two-year anniversary as a baptized and practicing Catholic. I am a more dedicated follower of Christ than I have ever been but the journey continues. God is almighty and infinitely merciful. I look forward to many more years of learning and growing in Him. 

Yesterday was Easter Sunday when we celebrated the Resurrection of Christ from the dead and renewed our own baptismal vows. This is the perfect time to light our baptism candles once again and pray for a renewal of spirit. The joy of Easter and the Resurrection will carry us all the way to the feast of Pentecost when the Holy Spirit descended on the apostles. I pray everyone has a happy and blessed Easter season. 

Good Friday

/ scbilder / Leave a comment

John 19:33 – But when they came to Jesus and saw that He was dead already, they did not break His legs. However, one of the soldiers pierced His side with a spear, and immediately blood and water came out… For these things happened so that the Scripture should be fulfilled, “Not one of His bones shall be broken.”

Today we mourn Christ’s suffering, crucifixion and death. Out of love for us God sent His only Son to die on the cross for our sins so that we might be saved.

Photo by Gonzalo Carlos Novillo Lapeyra