I’ve never been a natural social butterfly and have put forth a concerted effort to develop and maintain passable people skills over the years. I’ll be the first to say that I’m much better in writing and verbal communication has often been a source of tremendous anxiety in my life. I’m the sort of person who googles neighborhood BBQ etiquette and rehearses grocery store checkout small talk in advance. 

As such, I made a similar habit when I first started attending confession after being received fully into the Catholic Church. In my examination of conscience I would write a short script of talking points to bring up in the confessional and would recite the following prayer. “Lord, help me to give a full and honest confession.” In the confession line I would rehearse my lines until my turn arrived. 

While these were all perfectly valid confessions and none of these practices are technically wrong, I often left the confessional feeling like I had somewhat missed the mark and wishing that I had been more articulate. Recently it occurred to me that perhaps this feeling had very little to do with the precise words I said, or failed to say, but that it was instead faith and trust in God that I was lacking. I was trying so hard to give a “good” confession that I forgot the most important part. I asked God to help me every time without truly leaning into His healing power, trusting that He would give me the words I needed.

I’ve since revised my process for preparing for the sacrament of reconciliation. I still write out an examination of conscience, though it’s now a few brief bulleted reminders rather than a full script. I also recite the same prayer but with this addition. “Lord, send your holy spirit to give me the words I need to lay my sins bare at your feet so that I may properly atone for them.” The first time I said this prayer in the confession line I was blessed with a new sense of calm and I ceased my nervous rehearsing. My mind was totally clear when I entered the confessional. It was one of the most honest confessions I’ve ever given. 

I still catch myself slipping into old habits on occasion and obsessing over how to get the words out right. It’s a work in progress but, as I discovered, atonement for our sins and absolution from them is most complete when we truly, totally and faithfully relinquish our human failings to God. Reconciliation is a sacrament, an outward sign instituted by Christ to give grace. Of course, we need to properly prepare ourselves to receive it with a focused and genuine examination of our past wrongs but then we must give ourselves over entirely to Him.