I came across this post, Love the Place You Want to Leave by Intentional Faith, a fellow blogger and had to reread it several times. I was so deeply moved by it as it perfectly articulates the profound ache of homesickness. I just passed my fourth year in the Midwest and, while I’m immensely happy in my marriage, my home and my life in general, there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss everything about life in Colorado. Part of my heart will always belong there.
However, I had a couple of spectacular epiphanies while reading this post. Obviously, I’m hardly the first or the last to feel this way. That bit of perspective is easy to forget during the daily grind. I’ve also come to realize that not every longing in my heart, no matter how intense, is a call from God to action. He put me here in this place right now for a reason and He doesn’t make mistakes.
Even though I’ve taken many measures to embrace life in the Midwest, there’s still a part of me that hesitates when approaching new home improvement projects or when considering getting involved in some church or community group. There’s part of me that wonders how long I’m going to be here anyway. Should I really get too entrenched here when I still yearn for different scenery?
I believe the short answer is yes. I’m only human. I can’t see the future. Who knows what the next 5, 10 or even 20 years will bring? But what better way is there to glorify God than to live my very best, most Catholic life in this place and this home that He’s given me? Living with one foot out the door because our situation might change in another few years is precisely the opposite of what He calls us all to do. It isn’t wrong to miss where I came from. It’s wrong to use that desire as an excuse to not “unpack the boxes” here. I should make this place as much of a home as I possibly can for as long as I am called to be here. Anything less is a deliberate failure to do God’s will.
People get so caught up with being the equal. Equal representation has become equal celebration and now everyone is out to claim their day on the calendar. We as humans truly are the walking wounded. Everyone on the planet has experienced some hardship in their lives and likely will again. Suffering is one of the few guarantees in this life. We’ve grown so used to it and so fond of it that we’ve started trying to outdo one another, trying to squeeze ourselves into every possible suffering minority in an effort to claim that our pain is greater than everyone else’s and we ought to be recognized for it.
This is one of the countless reasons that I thank God for blessing me with the two loving people who raised me. My parents taught me to know my worth. Of course, they also instilled in my sister and I an attitude of humility which we both still strive for. We were brought up to be kind and polite and to always respect our elders. However, we also grew up with the understanding that no mountain was too high to summit. There was no impossible undertaking in our lives, just enough hard work to get it done. Even in Disney movies, dreams don’t come true for free. I’m human just like everyone else, flawed and fallen. I make mistakes, fall short and begin again as we all do but by God’s grace, every single prayer in my life has been answered.
I don’t need a month or a week or a day on the calendar to know my worth. I have already proved myself capable of overcoming obstacles that life throws my way. I have found success in all facets of my life and I believe that, so long as I continue to take up my cross daily as God calls us to do, I can still achieve great things. I know that I’m capable of being a good wife and a good Catholic and someday I believe I can be a good mother. It doesn’t matter how many people will celebrate me for it. Even if no one ever thanks me for my efforts to one day raise a loving, Christ centered family, I will still know that it was worth it. In my experience it’s often these seemingly thankless jobs in life that ultimately lead us toward true fulfillment which is found in Christ.
I once heard it said that if Christ were truly present in the consecrated host at mass we would crawl to the altar to receive Him. Of course this is not our practice in the communion line and so a logical person might conclude that the bread and wine we receive at mass is not actually the body and blood of Christ. Indeed, if it were we certainly would handle it with far greater reverence and care.
As a devout baby Catholic still journeying toward a deeper understanding of Christ, I strongly disagree with the conclusion drawn from this observation but it does shed light on the state of our church, especially when spoken by a child undergoing faith formation. They are told that they ought to love Christ above all else and with their whole hearts. They are instructed to turn to Him in their sorrows and to praise Him for every blessing because we owe our salvation to Him. They are also told in faith formation that through the sacrament of Holy Eucharist, the actual body and blood of Christ, that we can obtain graces in our lives by receiving God Himself.
This is all true but it would be difficult to believe by simply observing the average lay person at mass, particularly through the eyes of a young person still discovering their faith. We are a society that has forgotten how to show respect for anything. Many of us can’t even stand for our national flag, much less kneel for the cross and our Lord and God. When it comes to public displays of subservience we are more than out of practice. We are downright defiant. We hate the idea of bowing to anyone or anything, even to our creator. Through the gifts and talents He blesses us with we can have incredible agency over our own lives and can easily be drawn into the trap of wondering what we could possibly need Him for.
What’s more, this attitude of indifference has not gone unnoticed by our younger generations. They are beginning to imitate us, wondering why they ought to care so much when we clearly don’t. If we truly grasped the fullness of God and the sacrifice of Christ on the cross we would fall on our knees. It’s true that many practicing Catholics just don’t know any better, never having been taught the meaning behind all the happenings at mass. But ignorance is no excuse for our societal lapse in proper practice. As baptized members of Christ’s church it is our duty to know and understand its teachings and traditions and to be living examples of Christ.
Next time you go to mass remember to take a knee and solemnly make the sign of the cross before taking your seat in the pews. Genuflect also and make the sign of the cross every time you cross in front of the altar. When approaching the altar, whether as a sacristan, reader or server, always bow deeply in total deference to Christ. In the communion line as you bow before receiving the Eucharist don’t rush. Consider who you are about to receive, the sacrifice He made for you and the grace He will impart through His own body and blood. All these actions may feel awkward or trivial at first but practice makes perfect and we all ought to practice what we preach a little more. You never know who might be watching.
Even before I was Catholic, I was an avid book lover. Throughout our childhood my sister enjoyed listening to a slew of epic fantasy novels which always came to us through our dad’s voice. No matter how many books I read (or had read to me), my reading list never gets any shorter. My husband’s learned to avoid Barnes & Noble on busy afternoons because it’s never a quick trip.
Over the last couple of years as I’ve grown in my faith I’ve started viewing my reading material through a much more Catholic lens, even the fantasy books. Here is my current book list for other Catholic readers.
Religious
The Bible – This is a Catholic no-brainer. It may not always be the easiest read but is something that every Catholic should familiarize themself with. Questions will undoubtedly arise as you go and you should never be afraid to bring these to your local priest. I also found it helpful to work through the Bible using the Fr. Mike Schmitz podcast series, The Bible in a Year.
The Catechism – Similar to the Bible, this book is incredibly useful for understanding not only Catholic texts but traditions as well. You can also digest this through a podcast series from Fr. Mike called The Catechism in a Year.
Miracles Through Our Lady: True Stories of Everyday People That Can Change Your Life Forever originally written by Fr. Karl Maria Harrer and translated by Renate Mross – This was one of the first books my husband ever read to me and I’m still deeply moved by the tales of marian miracles all over the world throughout history.
Dating Advice
How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul by Jason and Crystalina Evert – This book is full of Catholic dating advice. It pounds home the necessity of saving sex for marriage, a conclusion I arrived at independently of my faith before picking up this book. However, my key takeaway was to never settle for someone who only tolerated my values. Although that lesson may seem obvious it was a shining moment for me in riddling out exactly what went wrong in a past relationship. This and many other relationship lessons were among the first to set me on the path to God.
Non-Fiction
Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand – Immediately after watching the movie adaptation of this story I pulled the book off my parents’ shelf and started reading. Despite all of the unspeakable things that Louis Zamperini endured during WWII, I found this was ultimately a tale of Christ-like forgiveness and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from it.
Fantasy
The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R Tolkien – Much like The Bible the epic tales of Middle Earth will never disappear from my list no matter how many times I read them. These are among the first books I remember my dad ever reading to my sister and I and someday I hope to share them with my own kids. They are bursting with Catholic teachings, Tolkien having been a devout Catholic himself, and the struggles and character of Christ can easily be seen in several of the main characters in this fantasy universe.
Honorable Mentions
Many of these are not strictly Catholic but for one reason or another I found myself relating various characters or scenes to similar biblical happenings and had difficulty putting these stories down.
I think it’s time we Catholics take back the vocabulary surrounding our faith. When we hear the term “churchy” it’s tempting to wrinkle our noses as if encountering some smelly mystery substance stuck to the bottom of our shoe. That’s how society treats it. Even during our Catholic marriage prep, the couples running the two day discussion showered us with promises that they wouldn’t let the weekend get too “churchy.” It’s Catholic marriage prep. One of its chief purposes is to be churchy.
We are constantly watering down our beautiful, glorious faith in order to make it more palatable to non-believers but this is backwards. We are called to bring souls to the Church, not the other way around. As Catholics everything we do should possess an element of churchiness because our faith is more than Sunday worship. It’s a way of life and informs every decision we make. I refuse to stifle my love of Christ to accommodate the feelings and comfort of someone else. I may not be everyone’s best friend. I may say and do things that some people find upsetting. Many years from now I may not be famous or loved by all but I hope that the people who do know me remember how churchy I was.
Our first year of marriage has come and gone but we continue to fall in love with each other every day. Despite new challenges like my husband’s shifting work schedule and the discovery of a leaky basement, this year has been full to the brim with blessings, not least of which came with my husband’s move from a tedious sales job to a position in our local law enforcement. His days were spent in physically and mentally rigorous training, his evenings were occupied with study of Indiana state law and his weekends occasionally took him away to southern Indiana for yet more training.
Amid all this, regular house upkeep generally fell to me and it could not have been better timing. In our first year of life together I had the privilege of a crash course on living for someone else. I was often tasked with cooking dinner, doing the dishes, tidying the house and generally maintaining a warm and inviting place for my husband to come home to every day in addition to my own day job. I discovered that, excluding a few exceptionally frustrating days here and there, I was happy to do it. The work that I did in my off hours away from the mill hardly ever felt like work.
That’s not to say that I always succeeded in carrying out my wifely home duties to perfection. As stated earlier, this was a crash course in marriage immediately following several years of living by myself for myself and I am still learning how to be a good wife. I still catch myself falling into lazy habits on occasion and craving a little ‘me time’ with a good book. However, as a general rule, it’s so much easier to motivate to put a nice meal on the table and keep the house tidy when there’s someone else around to enjoy it too. Cooking and cleaning for myself before I was married always felt like a chore despite my love of good home cooking. Now it’s something I get to do for us.
Even on those bad days when I just don’t feel like doing anything, I’ve learned to turn to God for help. “Lord, help me to be a good wife” is my constant prayer. My husband is living proof that God hears and answers all prayers even if not in the way we expect. With His help I can do anything. Perhaps that’s why He packed our first year of marriage with so many minor hurdles (house repair and scheduling difficulties) to overcome together. After years of living and succeeding on our own, we now get to do so as a team. This first year of married life was a beautiful lesson in humility which I am grateful to be constantly relearning.
I’m a bit late to this train so I’ll forego a full synopsis of Sound of Freedom as most know by now what it’s about. Suffice to say, everyone should see this film. Premiering on July 4th as a wake up call to Americans, this movie shed light on the horrors of child trafficking in gritty detail. Most of us have grown up being entertained by action flicks like Taken and quoting lines originally delivered in Liam Neeson’s epic tones. While these kinds of movies may hold us in rapt attention and even elicit strong emotions at various points, Sound of Freedom is an entirely different experience.
One of the most shocking things about this action thriller is that it isn’t fiction as most are quick to assume before entering the theater. This tale of hellish evils and miraculous rescues is as real as it is unbelievable. The mission of the main character, Tim Ballard who is played by Jim Caviezel, throughout the movie can only be described as a calling from God and one that required no small amount of divine intervention. Tim’s tireless and heartbreaking work has finally brought child trafficking to the world stage for all to see. It’s nearly impossible to imagine how children, the utmost pure and innocent in our lives, could be so cruelly abducted and put to such evil uses but Sound of Freedom makes it possible. Among the stories told in the film, one of Tim’s very first rescue missions was of a boy who was just eight years old, though as we learn throughout the movie, many are sold into this industry much younger than that.
Even as I write this, I struggle to articulate the effect Sound of Freedom had on me. Of course, while watching in the theater I was overcome with anger and despair with the rest of the audience. However, days later, some of the most horrific scenes still played on repeat in my head and the sad, mistrusting faces of the kids portrayed in the movie often still come into view. My relatively sheltered mind simply could not fathom how such evil could be allowed to exist in the world and I don’t pretend to have found an answer. More than 300,000 kids are trafficked around the world every year and the United States is the industry’s largest consumer.
As many have already stated in countless reviews of the movie, I don’t have the faintest idea how we solve this problem. Perhaps the first steps are to make ourselves aware of it by watching Sound of Freedom and to pray for the children sold into the living hell of child trafficking and everyone sent by God to rescue them.
I’m in that strange stage of life where all the people I grew up with are settling into jobs and families and lives of their own. All of the beloved traditions that lit up our childhood and always magically came around every year now require thought, time and planning. I can still recall a time, not so long ago, when I wouldn’t have dreamed of missing Christmas in Colorado with my big sister and my parents and yet, for two years in a row now, that Colorado Christmas has been reduced to phone calls.
Of course, there was always a very good reason. With marriage and adulthood comes an ever more complicated schedule and life happens. Jobs change, people move, other family members need help, there are bills to contend with and increasingly expensive plane tickets. There are always extenuating circumstances for not following through with even the best laid plans. And adulthood certainly isn’t all scheduling difficulties. There are weddings and baby showers to attend and the joy of welcoming new members into the family. I’m thrilled to have a new niece and nephew to love and spoil. I am godmother to one of them and I can’t wait.
I can see all sorts of different futures, all wonderful and perfect and yet horribly imperfect at the same time. Each and every one of them is full of love and possibilities but none of them look quite like the glorious childhood that I had. I’m still young enough to remember with total clarity all of the reasons why I loved growing up in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado and why, back then, I passionately promised to raise my own kids in a similar fashion. However, I’m also now old enough to realize that probably won’t happen, at least not quite like I would have pictured it.
I suppose everyone finds themselves caught in a similar struggle at some point. We can’t know the future after all and so it’s impossible to truly know what will ultimately be best for the ones we love. But as every seasoned parent in my life assures me, you figure it out. With God’s help all things are possible and life has a funny way of working out in the end. Of course there will be difficult decisions and hard times but so long as we do our best with what He gave us and are always turning toward Him in all things life will go on and bring with it unnumbered blessings.
I’ve never been one to enjoy a horror flick. All the jump scares, supernatural happenings and excessive gore are decidedly unwelcome on my movie list. My imagination tends to run rampant after viewing scenes like these and suddenly every little creak in my house is cause for alarm. Of course, as a Catholic, I know that this alarm is completely irrational and I’m often comforted by the fact that a priest has visited and blessed our home. However, the imagination is still on occasion a force to be reckoned with. Thus, I religiously steer clear of horror films and was wary of this one despite it coming highly recommended by the hubby who kindly screened it for me first. After a bit of convincing and promises that he would hold my hand the entire time, I did eventually agree to watch Nefarious.
This psychological thriller was not at all what I was expecting and one that I think everyone, Catholic or otherwise, should make time to see. This is far from the typical bloody Hollywood depiction of demonic possession. The true horror comes in the shocking doses of reality seeded throughout the fictional flick as psychiatrist, Dr. James Martin, interviews a convicted serial killer hours before his scheduled execution. Over the course of this disturbing conversation the devout atheist doctor is forced to confront impossible coincidences which shake his world view. It quickly becomes apparent that the interviewer may in fact be the interviewee. Throughout the exchange, the killer, Edward Wayne Brady, claims to be a demon and works to convince Dr. Martin that he has been brought to the prison by design and will himself have committed three murders before their time together is up.
Although the majority of the film transpires in a single room over the course of a single conversation, it’s not one that you’ll be able to pause for a popcorn break. Viewers are held on the edge of their seats for the entire hour and 38 minutes as they follow Dr. Martin’s investigation in which he attempts to answer the question, insane or possessed? Viewers are also left to debate the rational atheist’s qualifications to answer such a question which is sure to spark some interesting discussion when the credits start rolling.
For current believers, this movie serves as a wake up call through its perfectly horrifying illustration of the battle being waged for a single soul. In an interview with Church Militant, the writers and directors, Chuck Konzelman and Cary Solomon, described the effect their newest film has had on its Catholic audiences when they said that people are leaving the theater and running to confession. While this is a highly engaging and entertaining watch, it also asks and answers many theological questions which might be barriers for non-christian individuals who are considering coming to the faith. At the very least, Nefarious is causing Catholics and atheists alike to think about what it is they believe and why.
For my own part, I came away from this movie completely overwhelmed with gratitude to God for coming into my life and purifying my soul through baptism when He did. As often mentioned on this blog, I am a convert to Catholicism. Although in my upbringing I would never have gone so far as to deny the existence of a higher power, my entire childhood was spent blissfully ignorant of the peril my unbaptized soul was under. Thankfully, God blessed me with two amazing parents who, despite being born again Catholics themselves, always instilled generally christian values in my sister and I. I believe it was these values which ultimately guided us both to the faith. Through the holy sacraments of initiation and of marriage, I have been blessed with the graces necessary to continue to turn toward God in all facets of my life and I am eternally grateful to Him for that. Nefarious highlights the urgent need for all people to receive the sacraments and be similarly blessed.
For a large portion of my life I believed, as many people do, that my actions mattered more than my thoughts. I was raised to be a good law abiding citizen, to respect my elders, to be kind and courteous and compassionate to everyone, whether I liked them or not. However, I also felt free to think whatever I wanted. By this logic I could judge random folks on the street for everything from their poor taste in shoes to their questionable smoking habits so long as I remained polite and civil in my words and actions. I could call my sister all manner of unfortunate names when she annoyed me as long as it was only in my mind. I could engage in a profane and road ragey tirade every time someone cut me off in traffic as long as this tirade could never be perceived by fellow drivers.
Thought matters. God knows our hearts and our minds. It’s why we graciously thank our friends and family for all of those birthday presents that we didn’t even ask for. It really is the thought that counts and even if we didn’t get exactly what we wanted we know that those gifts all came from places of love.
Our thoughts precede our words and actions which is why it’s generally far easier to avoid negative temptations altogether than to try to resist them. This is exactly what we are called to do as Catholics. At the conclusion of every Catholic confession the priest provides us with a penance to perform in reparation for our sins and asks us to recite an act of contrition in which we “firmly resolve with the help of God’s grace to sin no more and to avoid the near occasion of sin.” Sinful thoughts can lead us to all manner of situations in which we turn away from God; the sin of scandal, jealousy, or even the worship of false gods through addiction. In today’s fast paced world with a wealth of entertainment and information at our fingertips it’s easier than ever to fall into an endless screen addiction.
We are all called to be Christ for the world even in those moments when no one is watching. To live truly Catholic lives we must always work to keep our thoughts, words and actions clean and to approach every situation through the lens of genuine love and service for our neighbors.
Blessed in the Midwest 