Friendship

Catholic Hospitality

/ scbilder / 3 Comments

I hope everyone had a blessed and happy weekend as we entered into the joyous season of Easter. We spent the weekend feasting and spending time with family per our usual traditions at this time of year. As we begin this time of celebration and good cheer in honor or the Resurrection of Christ, today’s post is all about Catholic love, joy and hospitality.

I’ve written on this subject before, most often in reference to the aggressively hospitable woman who raised me. Over the last few years my mom has nurtured a thriving network and culture of deep love and friendship in her home and parish. We joke sometimes that she is the Glenwood mom for all current or potential Catholics in the area looking to grow their faith and community. She’s the woman people seek out to set them up with that cute boy from mass or to give them a lift over the occasionally treacherous passes on their way to Denver. For those looking for a home cooked meal and a riveting theological heart-to-heart, my mom is the person to call. Through all this she has solidified for herself and my dad deep, true and lasting friendships. I aspire to be just like her. Recently, God gave me my chance. 

Despite being incredibly shy, I love people and for years I have craved holy friendships like those that my mom has cultivated. However, my lack of social confidence has frequently been a barrier to achieving that goal and I once confessed this to one of our priest friends. To my surprise and delight he didn’t scoff at me and my poor social skills or brush off the comment as meaningless small talk. He simply offered to set my husband and I up with other young Catholic couples in the parish. It was an offer I could not refuse though it did require a little courage to take him up on it. 

A week after our initial conversation I contacted him expressing a desire to connect with those young Catholics he’d mentioned. Three short hours later I received a text from a young woman from the parish asking us to dinner with her family at their home. She sent a picture of her and her husband with their two adorable kids as a little introduction. I was a bit taken aback at how seriously and quickly the father had gone about his work of finding us Catholic friends and I felt a little awkward about the situation as these new Catholic friends had come into our lives somewhat inorganically. However, I didn’t dare turn down the dinner invitation. 

On the day we were to meet my husband and I hopped in the car and headed down the road. We both chuckled to learn that the little family lived less than ten minutes from us. We were first greeted by their two kids who opened the door and welcomed us inside, closely tailed by their mother. Throughout the evening we learned all about them, their faith journeys and even some shared Colorado experience as they’d spent some time there before moving back to the midwest. 

We were also happy to discover that they were also expecting a baby. After dinner had been cleared away their son recruited my husband to build a toy car race track in his room and all the boys headed that direction. This gave us gals a chance to chat about all things pregnancy related and she even gifted me Made for This; The Catholic Mom’s Guide to Birth by Mary Haseltine, a book which I’m still in the process of reading and thoroughly enjoying. Eventually their little girl got bored of watching her brother play with his cars and climbed up next to me on the sofa with a book of her own in hand. Needless to say, we ended up staying and visiting much later than we’d intended and excitedly chatted about promising new friendship in the car on the way home. 

They’ve since introduced us to a newly engaged couple from the parish as well and we all had a great time chatting about weddings, babies and of course, all things Catholic over a card game one evening. I firmly believe that God answers all prayers in His own way and His own time and rarely does this occur as we’d expect. However, I’ve also been blessed with a wonderful epiphany after meeting this welcoming Catholic family. Sometimes, all we have to do is ask. 

Marriage Etiquette: You’re on the Same Team

/ scbilder / 2 Comments
Photo by Rainstorm Photo

It’s so easy to slip into bad habits around those who know us best. Often, I catch myself falling into this trap with my husband or when my sister or parents come into town for a longer visit. We know these people will never leave us and there’s some relief in that, being able to release everything that was kept bottled up for the rest of the world with the understanding that we will still be loved by our favorite people. 

While I agree that it’s necessary to be our most honest and genuine selves among those we love, I don’t believe that includes succumbing to our worst impulses. These people are with us for life. They are the ones who raised us, grew up with us, promised to cherish and protect us and walk with us for the rest of our days. They have and will see us at our worst. However, I don’t see any reason to increase the frequency of these occurrences simply in order to vent my own frustrations. 

When we completely let loose we forget to watch what we say. We can fall to nagging our spouses, nitpicking a job well done instead of simply saying thank you. We can be led to bickering in which there’s always a winner and a loser. In the end, do you really want to be married to a loser? Is there any true victory in knowing that you have defeated your spouse, the one person on earth you have been sacramentally called to love and respect all the days of your life? What good is it to have won a petty argument when you’re both on the same team? 

Obviously you’re different people and disagreements will inevitably arise by virtue of there being two brains in the relationship. In these disputes I believe we are called as Catholic married couples to conduct ourselves as civilly and compassionately as possible. As previously stated, this is easier said than done but it is a necessary and worthy endeavor. Too often in society today I think that marriage is treated like a free pass for bad behavior with our spouses and then everyone wonders why divorce rates are so high. Who wants to spend the rest of their life with a mean, manipulative, judgemental person who’s always looking to pick a fight?

The reality is that being kind to your spouse actually makes them a better husband or wife. Good manners should never go by the wayside regardless of who you’re talking to. Never underestimate the healing power of a simple “please” or “thank you.” Instead of grilling your husband for all the gory details of his incredibly long and tiresome day at work as soon as he walks in the door, snuggling up with him on the sofa for a few brief moments of comfortable silence can go a long way. Likewise, doing the dishes or replacing a burnt out light bulb before your wife has time to ask is sure to make her feel loved. Lasting love and affection is often not in grand gestures though they certainly have their place. It can also be found in small, everyday kindnesses toward our spouse.