Motherhood

Motherhood: A Blessing, Not a Curse

/ scbilder / Leave a comment
Photo by Nelly Aran

When speaking of motherhood I think many women are quick to share their tale of terrible woe, of sleepless nights and constant worries and the difficulties of keeping baby fed and diapers changed. The laborious process of carrying and birthing the child is often another source of juicy hardship to share. While these are all perfectly valid experiences and ones I will undoubtedly encounter myself, I think the joys of motherhood can get lost in the excitement. I feel incredibly blessed to find myself pregnant for the very first time surrounded by mothers who are overjoyed to help celebrate this amazing and miraculous gift of God’s creation.

My baby is not a hindrance to the peace and joy to be found in our home but rather an immense source of it. During phone calls with my family, everyone wants to know how I’m feeling and if I’ve felt baby kick yet. I’m happy to report that yes, our baby girl is already asserting her presence in our lives by frequently stretching her tiny legs. 

During this beautiful season of life our world has taken on a kaleidoscope of new colors and shades. My days of calm, stoic movie watching are coming to a watery end. My husband showed me Radio and The Guardian for the first time recently, both enthralling stories which I highly recommend and each had me weeping in turn. We’ve also learned to work around the new and improved space cadet mommy brain which led me to forget my entire purse at a friend’s house and has frequently been the cause of missing necessities from the grocery list. Blessedly my husband is the understanding and forgiving type. Even so, it’s impossible for him to stay annoyed for too long as my hiccups inexplicably became 15 times cuter with pregnancy.

Amid all of these inner changes we are also working to prepare our home for baby. The first critical step was a closet reset in which I switched out my usual outfits to make room for some necessary stretch wear. I firmly believe that fashion doesn’t have to go out the window when women become mothers, while pregnant or otherwise. However, there comes a point when the old jeans simply won’t button. I excitedly told the hubby the day this happened to me. We’re also in full baby prep mode, making the gift registry, planning the shower and rearranging our guest rooms to accommodate a nursery. 

All the while, I’m constantly grabbing my husband’s hand every time I feel a kick, trying to get daddy in on the full experience. Every single day we are both falling more in love with this tiny human which, by God’s grace, we were able to create together. Praise God!

A Mother’s Love

/ scbilder / 2 Comments

Sometimes we have to grow up to truly grasp all the little ways our parents love us even without our knowledge. For the first 21 years of my life there was always family close by, sometimes a short 20 minutes down the road but most often just in the next room. I grew up accustomed to the familial sounds of chatter in the hall and feet on the stairs. Even now, my house doesn’t quite feel like home when my husband has to spend a weekend away for work and everything falls silent. Home has always been where my people are.

When I moved to Indiana for a job in the steel industry I also embarked on the two loneliest years of my life. Of course, I invested all of my free time and energy in keeping busy and making friends. I took up new hobbies and filled my days with every social engagement I could find, despite being incredibly shy. However, in the evening I would always return to a dark, empty apartment which was an especially sobering situation amid COVID lockdowns. During this season of loneliness I called my mom nearly every day, sometimes three times in one day. She was a constant lifeline and content to receive a running play-by-play of my new life in the Midwest. My mom wore many hats during that time; life coach, public relations advisor, romance councilor, medical consultant and chief BFF to name a few. 

Now, having found my husband and both of us with slightly busier church schedules, we talk a bit less. Our catch up phone calls now come a few times a week and I’m ashamed to say I’ve caught myself a bit peeved on occasion when she wasn’t able to come to the phone. In addition to becoming a hugely active and influential member of her parish community, my mom is also the current help hotline for my sister who is in the throes of medical school while navigating the joys and trials of motherhood for the very first time. 

It occurred to me recently that in my own time of need my mom was just as available and ready to listen. She hardly ever missed a call during those two years when I was entirely on my own in an unfamiliar landscape. At the time, I was simply grateful for the comfort our daily check-ins afforded us both. I was blessed with a familiar voice to vent any and all frustrations to and my mom received regular reassurance that her youngest daughter was still safe and well. Now, years later, I consider the sacrifice these chats required on her part, to always be ready and willing to listen. I pray someday that my own kids can know they are loved that much. Thanks mom.

The Thankless Jobs

/ scbilder / 10 Comments

People get so caught up with being the equal. Equal representation has become equal celebration and now everyone is out to claim their day on the calendar. We as humans truly are the walking wounded. Everyone on the planet has experienced some hardship in their lives and likely will again. Suffering is one of the few guarantees in this life. We’ve grown so used to it and so fond of it that we’ve started trying to outdo one another, trying to squeeze ourselves into every possible suffering minority in an effort to claim that our pain is greater than everyone else’s and we ought to be recognized for it. 

This is one of the countless reasons that I thank God for blessing me with the two loving people who raised me. My parents taught me to know my worth. Of course, they also instilled in my sister and I an attitude of humility which we both still strive for. We were brought up to be kind and polite and to always respect our elders. However, we also grew up with the understanding that no mountain was too high to summit. There was no impossible undertaking in our lives, just enough hard work to get it done. Even in Disney movies, dreams don’t come true for free. I’m human just like everyone else, flawed and fallen. I make mistakes, fall short and begin again as we all do but by God’s grace, every single prayer in my life has been answered. 

I don’t need a month or a week or a day on the calendar to know my worth. I have already proved myself capable of overcoming obstacles that life throws my way. I have found success in all facets of my life and I believe that, so long as I continue to take up my cross daily as God calls us to do, I can still achieve great things. I know that I’m capable of being a good wife and a good Catholic and someday I believe I can be a good mother. It doesn’t matter how many people will celebrate me for it. Even if no one ever thanks me for my efforts to one day raise a loving, Christ centered family, I will still know that it was worth it. In my experience it’s often these seemingly thankless jobs in life that ultimately lead us toward true fulfillment which is found in Christ. 

Momma Duck

/ scbilder / 2 Comments

This flustered momma somehow stumbled into our yard, closely trailed by a large and nervous flock of ducklings. Her twittering brood of offspring hardly took their eyes off her and shuffled behind her as if all pulled by the same invisible string. Even in nature, the gravity of a mother to her young is plain to see.

Lady Boss or Super Mom?

/ scbilder / 2 Comments
Photo by Taryn Elliott

This is the question facing modern women. I know many people on both sides who say it’s hardly a question at all and that the answer is obvious. I know how I’d answer it. Our society likes to tell women that their greatest worth will come from high powered careers, that they can have families if they want to but that they should have careers. Frankly, I have to agree with Jordan Peterson’s perspective on this one. Only a very select few ever actually achieve careers. The rest of us go to jobs everyday. Some jobs are undoubtedly more enjoyable than others but they’re all generally performed for the same purpose of paying the bills and not work that someone would do for free. 

There are the dreamers of the world, those high flying individuals who become masters and leaders in their fields and of course there are women among them. However, to treat those women as the rule rather than the exception is to dismiss the ultimate feminine superpower, the ability to give birth. We alone have the capacity and natural inclination for motherhood. Some people say that a woman’s worth should be measured by more than her ability to push out babies and they’re absolutely right. Being an effective mother is about raising those babies to be good, virtuous people.

Success and ambition are incredibly enticing. I myself can attest to that. It feels good to be financially independent, to stand on your own two feet, to not worry about how to pay your bills and to be able to afford the things you enjoy. The deal is only sweetened as a career trajectory does begin to take shape. A technical degree in a STEM field paired with a job in a fairly stable industry that’s currently hemorrhaging retirees has upward mobility written all over it. It’s not difficult to imagine a future.

But all the money and success in the world doesn’t hold a torch to how badly I want to be a good wife and mother. There are certainly women out there who learn to split the difference and excel in motherhood and their careers but even in this there are sacrifices. Even the most well organized and motivated people have their limits. There’s only so much of you to go around. Choosing how to spend it is a necessary evil of our empowered and fast-paced world.

Financial independence can be a huge step toward maturity and adulthood as it was for me. It was a key motivator but it was never the goal, nor do I think it should be. I don’t think anyone should ever become so proud of their workplace accomplishments that they forget who and what they’re working for. There’s nothing wrong with being an empowered lady boss. Whatever you do should be done with excellence but people are often quick to forget that concept extends to the home as well.