“Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:2) This is a sentence that no modern, strong independent woman wants to hear. These are also the words most often pulled out of the reading and dissected under a microscope. However, if you examine the reading in its entirety you learn about the husband’s side of the bargain.

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the Church.” Christ died for the Church. He suffered every kind of human torment; physical torture, humiliation, betrayal and was crucified out of love for the Church. He made the ultimate sacrifice. Obeying the man I love seems like small change in comparison. I trust my husband completely and would gladly follow him anywhere. I am totally confident that he would never do anything to deliberately hurt or humiliate me. 

Marriage doesn’t mean packing up my hopes and dreams. My husband wants those things for me too, just as I want him to find success and fulfillment in his endeavors. It’s why I chose him. I’m his wife, not his slave. I always try to act in his best interest, not because I don’t love myself, but because I love him more. There are three persons in every Catholic marriage; the husband, the wife and Christ. We are called to love God, to love our spouse and to love ourselves in that order. Typical catholic marriage prep includes six to nine months of learning and discussion with each other and a priest in order to discover one another’s needs as well as potential sources of future conflict. We do this to ensure that all three parties are fully aware and confident in the decision to come together in the sacrament of marriage. 

Living in the service of a spouse isn’t an indignity at all. If done correctly, I believe it’s one of the most beautiful and Catholic things we can possibly do. It’s what Christ was sent to do. “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as ransom for many.” (Mathew 20:28) Christ, the bridegroom came to serve His bride, the Church. Honestly, I can’t imagine a better way to spend the rest of my life than following and serving the man I married. 

A reading from the letter of Saint Paul to the Ephesians

Brothers and sisters:
Live in love, as Christ loved us
	and handed himself over for us.

[Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord.
For the husband is head of his wife
	just as Christ is head of the Church,
	he himself the savior of the body.
As the Church is subordinate to Christ,
	so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything.]

Husbands, love your wives,
	even as Christ loved the Church
	and handed himself over for her to sanctify her,
	cleansing her by the bath of water with the word,
	that he might present to himself the Church in splendor,
	without spot or wrinkle or any such thing,
	that she might be holy and without blemish.
So also husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself.
For no one hates his own flesh
	but rather nourishes and cherishes it,
	even as Christ does the Church,
	because we are members of his Body.
	     For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother
	          and be joined to his wife,
	     and the two shall become one flesh.
This is a great mystery,
	but I speak in reference to Christ and the Church.

[In any case, each one of you should love his wife as himself,
	and the wife should respect her husband.]

The word of the Lord.