It’s so easy to slip into bad habits around those who know us best. Often, I catch myself falling into this trap with my husband or when my sister or parents come into town for a longer visit. We know these people will never leave us and there’s some relief in that, being able to release everything that was kept bottled up for the rest of the world with the understanding that we will still be loved by our favorite people. 

While I agree that it’s necessary to be our most honest and genuine selves among those we love, I don’t believe that includes succumbing to our worst impulses. These people are with us for life. They are the ones who raised us, grew up with us, promised to cherish and protect us and walk with us for the rest of our days. They have and will see us at our worst. However, I don’t see any reason to increase the frequency of these occurrences simply in order to vent my own frustrations. 

When we completely let loose we forget to watch what we say. We can fall to nagging our spouses, nitpicking a job well done instead of simply saying thank you. We can be led to bickering in which there’s always a winner and a loser. In the end, do you really want to be married to a loser? Is there any true victory in knowing that you have defeated your spouse, the one person on earth you have been sacramentally called to love and respect all the days of your life? What good is it to have won a petty argument when you’re both on the same team? 

Obviously you’re different people and disagreements will inevitably arise by virtue of there being two brains in the relationship. In these disputes I believe we are called as Catholic married couples to conduct ourselves as civilly and compassionately as possible. As previously stated, this is easier said than done but it is a necessary and worthy endeavor. Too often in society today I think that marriage is treated like a free pass for bad behavior with our spouses and then everyone wonders why divorce rates are so high. Who wants to spend the rest of their life with a mean, manipulative, judgemental person who’s always looking to pick a fight?

The reality is that being kind to your spouse actually makes them a better husband or wife. Good manners should never go by the wayside regardless of who you’re talking to. Never underestimate the healing power of a simple “please” or “thank you.” Instead of grilling your husband for all the gory details of his incredibly long and tiresome day at work as soon as he walks in the door, snuggling up with him on the sofa for a few brief moments of comfortable silence can go a long way. Likewise, doing the dishes or replacing a burnt out light bulb before your wife has time to ask is sure to make her feel loved. Lasting love and affection is often not in grand gestures though they certainly have their place. It can also be found in small, everyday kindnesses toward our spouse.